Animal Jokes
What kind of sweaters do tortoises wear?
Turtle Necks
Why do spiders enjoy computers so much?
They like to play on the web
What happens when a grape is getting old and cranky?
It starts to wine
Why was the piano locked out of the house?
It lost its keys
When are teachers most annoying?
When they get test-y
How can you tell a whale is sad?
How do you keep a computer's breath fresh?
Give it a docu-mint
What fruit unlocks doors?
Can you clean your teeth with a musical instrument?
Yes, use a tuba toothpaste
How can you get your pen to march?
Yell, "Left, write! Left, write, left!"
Why are fish so easy to fool?
Because they're so gill-able
Why did the computer call the exterminator?
It had a mouse
Why did the banana get a speeding ticket?
He got caught peeling out of the parking lot
What instrument do dogs play?
The trom-bone
What class do snakes teach at school?
Hiss-tory
What energy snacks to chimps like?
Monkey bars
Which TV shows are the cleanest?
Soaps
How do you send a bouquet to someone on Mother's Day?
You caul-i-flower shop
Did the drum win the contest?
No, it got beat
Why are prisoners good at biology?
Because they know a lot about cells
Where do pigs sleep in the summertime?
How do prisoners stay in touch with each other?
With their CELL phones
How do you get a piece of bread to do you a favor?
You butter it up
What musical instruments are donated to hospitals?
Organs
Why didn't the teacher call on the lightbulb?
Because it was a bit dim
What police unit do flies fear the most?
The SWAT team
How do you borrow a camera?
Someone lens it to you
What do balloons drink at birthday parties?
Pop
What pants make beautiful music?
Bell bottoms
What happens when a cartoon character gets in trouble at school?
Suspended animation