DEARMAN
Want to achieve our objective (get what we want) in an interaction, OR prioritize objective effectiveness
What are we prioritizing when we use GIVE: objective effectiveness, relationship effectiveness, or self-respect effectiveness?
Relationship effectiveness
What are we prioritizing when we use FAST: objective effectiveness, relationship effectiveness, or self-respect effectiveness?
Self-respect effectiveness
What are the RO-DBT mind states?
Fixed mind, Fatalistic mind, and Flexible mind
What are the DBT mind states?
Emotion mind, Reasonable/rational mind, Wise mind
The letter in DEARMAN where you stick to the facts of the current situation
D - Describe
Name one thing you can validate
Facts of a situation, Emotions, Beliefs, Opinions, Thoughts, Suffering and struggles
True or False: the A stands for "Always Apologize" in FAST
FALSE! The A stands for "No Apologies!"
What skill asks us to reflect upon our ideal level of closeness in a relationship compared to others?
The intimacy thermometer
What happens if you always prioritize self-respect effectiveness?
You may lose friendships or other relationships if you only prioritize your own needs
Why do we reinforce our request (the R in DEARMAN)?
To tell the other person what they will get out of our request, and to "sweeten the deal"
What letter of GIVE might you smile and use humor?
E - use an Easy manner!
F stands for be Fair in FAST. Who are you being fair to?
Yourself and the other person
How do we use the Match+1 skill?
This DBT concept challenges 'black-and-white thinking' by encouraging both/and perspectives.
Dialectics
What does the M in MAN stand for? What does it mean?
Stay Mindful! It means to stay focused on your goal, maintain your position, don't get distracted, and ignore attacks.
True or False – validation means fixing, offering solutions, or giving advice.
False
What mind state should you be in when you use FAST?
Wise mind
What does the ADOPTS skill help us do?
Acknowledge we are receiving feedback, respond openly, and decide if we want to accept the feedback
What RO-DBT mind state might we be in if we feel that nothing we do matters, we feel hopeless, and we have an urge to give up?
Fatalistic mind
Name all letters of DEARMAN!
Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, (stay) Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate
Name three ways you can Act Interested
eye contact, nodding, leaning in, reflecting, not looking at your phone
Name all of the letters in FAST
be Fair, no Apologies, Stick to your values, be Truthful
What RO-DBT mind state might we be in if we cannot see someone else's perspective, we believe we already know the answer, and we refuse to accept feedback?
Fixed mind
Create a DEARMAN using the following prompt: Your partner has not been holding up their end of the chores you jointly decided upon, and you have been taking over their responsibilities for the past 3 weeks while they have been stressed with work. You want to ask your partner if they will complete their tasks this week (take out the trash, make dinner on Wednesday, make the bed in the morning), as you have a very busy work schedule this upcoming week and are feeling burnt out.
-Describe: I have been taking care of your chores over the past 3 weeks while you were busy with work.
-Express: I know you have been busy with work, so I wanted to help as much as I could, but I have been feeling stressed and burnt out taking on all of the responsibilities for the home.
-Assert: I would like for us to get back to our planned responsibilities. Can you please take out the trash, make dinner on Wednesday, and make the bed in the morning this week?
-Reinforce: "I would be so relieved, and a lot easier to live with, if you can help out."
-M: stay mindful, don't be distracted. Use the broken record technique to repeat your request if necessary. Ignore attacks.
-A: appear confident (confident voice tone and body posture, make eye contact, no stammering or fidgeting)
-N: be willing to negotiate if needed -- ask for other solutions, reduce your request, focus on what will work ("If you make the bed this week, I'll make it next week.")