DEAR MAN
DEAR MAN is used to do this
Objectives-Get what you want or need
GIVE is used to do what
Maintain or Build a relationship while getting what you want
FAST skills are used to
Maintain Self-Respect
What does THINK help you do?
Maintain WISE mind, reduce anger, or reduce conflict
Turn this worry statement into a wise mind statement:
Why bother asking? It won’t make a difference anyway.
Just because I didn’t get what I wanted last time does not mean that if I ask skillfully this time that I won’t get it.”
The acronym DEAR stands for
Describe the situation, Express emotions, Assert what you want, reinforce the other person
be Gentle
F and A in FAST stand for
Be Fair and No Apologies
What does the I and N stand for THINK?
Interpretations and Notice
Turn this worry statement into a wise mind statement:
I can’t take it if he’s [she’s] upset with me.
“I can deal with it if he [she] is annoyed with me.”
In DEAR MAN, A and N in Man stand for
Appear Confident and Negotiate
True or False? The I in GIVE is for "be Interested"
False. The I is for "act Interested." You do not have to actually be interest. The key is to convey interest through verbal and non-verbal cues
The S and T in FAST stand for
Stick to your values and be truthful
What does the H stand for?
Have empathy
Turn this worry statement into a wise mind statement:
If I make a request or ask for help, I will look weak.
“It takes a strong person to admit that he [she] needs help from someone else and then ask for it.”
In DEAR MAN, what does the M stand for, and what two strategies can help?
Stay Mindful- Broken Record technique and Ignore Attacks
The V and E in GIVE stand for
Validation and use an Easy Manner
Shelly is interested in obtaining a raise from her boss, but her boss asks for sexual favors in return. Shelly needs to use FAST to manage the situation. Give an example of what Shelly may say to her boss
I understand what you are asking for, but I cannot violate my values just to get a raise. I'm asking you to consider my work ethic and years of service as reason enough.
What does a "benign" reason mean?
A benign reason is any reason for an action that does not have a bad intention or purpose behind it.
Priorities, Capabilities, Timeliness, Preparation, Relationship, or Give and Take
Provide an example of a time when you used DEAR MAN successfully
Example
What is Validation?
Communicating to another person or yourself, that your feelings and thoughts makes sense and can be understood.
Give an example of a time when you had to use FAST skills
Example
Give an example of how to use the I in THINK
Group gives feedback on example
What might stop you from achieving your interpersonal goals?
Lack of skill, worry thoughts, emotions, can't decide, or environment