Mindfulness
When being mindful of others, we try to pay close attention to others by listening to what they are actually saying, noticing their tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. What core mindfulness skill does this rely on?
HINT - It's one of the WHAT skills!
Observe
Being willing to Give to Get.
What is What is "N" Negotiate of DEAR MAN?
With words and actions show that you understand the other person's feelings and thoughts about the situation.
What is Validate?
This module, interpersonal effectiveness, is to help improve what type of skills.
What are communication skills.
What does the S in FAST stand for? Can you explain what it means?
Stick to your Values - It's important to or self respect that we are clear on our beliefs and don't sell ourselves out
When being mindful of others, we learn to let go of jumping to conclusions about what we *assume* other people are thinking/feeling. Which core mindfulness skill is this based on?
HINT - it's one of the HOW skills!
Non-Judgmental Stance
What is the R in DEARMAN? What is this part of the script meant to do?
Reinforce!
This part is meant to "sweeten the pot", help the person see why they might actually WANT to agree to our request or respect our boundaries. Worst case scenario, it can be the moment when we (gently) explain consequences if they refuse.
The "I" in GIVE.
What is (Act) Interested?
Bonus: describe how you can Act Interested.
The IE skill used when we are trying to obtain an objective HOWEVER Relationship Effectiveness is most important.
What is GIVE?
What is the A in FAST? What does it look like in practice?
No Apologies. We don't say I'm sorry for things we haven't done wrong. We don't act like we're in the wrong for speaking up for ourselves.
When we are mindful of others, we learn to notice the judgmental thoughts we have (non-judgmental stance!). THEN we take it a step further, replacing our gut reaction with a more fact-based (often kinder) way of saying it. Name the core mindfulness skill that this employs.
HINT - It's one of the WHAT skills
Describe
What does the E in DEARMAN stand for? What is this part of the script meant to explain?
Express your EMOTIONS! This part is when we let the person know how we feel about the situation and/or our personal opinion about it.
Be nice and respectful; no attacks, no threats, no judging, no sneering.
What is (Be)Gentle?
"I want to change and am doing my best AND I still need to do better, try harder and be more motivated to change" is an example of what.
What is Dialectical Thinking or Walking the Middle Path?
What can we say instead of repeating "I'm sorry" over and over?
For example, if we have the urge to say "I'm sorry I'm late, I didn't mean to waste your time" what could we say instead?
"Thank You"
"Thank you for waiting for me, I know your time is valuable"
When being mindful of others, we try to throw ourselves into the interaction completely (being one with the activity/conversation). What core mindfulness skill does this come from?
HINT- It's one of the WHAT skills.. think chicken dance!
Fully Participating
There are 2 "A"s in DEARMAN?
Appear confident & Act confident
What is the E in GIVE?
Easy Manner! Use a little humor, Smile, Be light-hearted, soft over hard sell.
Sally asks Jeff to borrow $50. Jeff decides that saying "No" and sticking to it is his top priority. Which of the 3 Priorities did Jeff put at #1?
Objective Effectiveness
The F. A. S. T. of FAST skill
What is
be Fair,
no Apologies,
Stick to values, and
be Truthful?
When being mindful of others, we learn that being determined to get our way and "be right" isn't as helpful as learning to be flexible. Which core mindfulness skill taught us to "go with the flow" and "do what works"?
HINT - it's one of the HOW skills!
Effectiveness
What do you have to clarify before you can do a DEARMAN?
100 Bonus points if you can name all 3 of them!
Your Priorities
BONUS:
Our Objective (getting what we want)
Protecting the Relationship
Protecting our Self Respect
GIVE is used when to protect what priority (______ Effectiveness)?
Relationship Effectiveness
Name the 3 competing Priorities (types of "Effectiveness") you have to balance before using a DEARMAN.
Relationship Effectivness, Objective Effectiveness, Self Respect Effectiveness
FAST is designed to protect our ________! We lean on this when ________ Effectiveness is the top priority.
What is Self-Respect Effectiveness