Mindfulness
What pulls someone out of the present moment most?
Overthinking about the past (“Why did I say that?”)
Worrying about the future (“What if I fail?”)
Social media Comparing themselves to others
Drama with friends
Relationship issues
Anxiety
Notifications constantly going off
Replay of embarrassing moments
Daydreaming to escape stress
You feel ignored by a friend. What could your emotion be trying to tell you?
“I feel hurt.”
“I feel left out.”
“I feel unimportant.”
“I’m scared they don’t like me anymore.”
“I feel rejected.”
“I’m worried I did something wrong.”
When is distraction helpful?
When emotions are at a 9 or 10
During an argument when you’re about to explode
When urges feel intense
When waiting to calm down before responding
When you can’t solve the problem immediately
During a panic spike
Late at night when your brain won’t stop
Why is asking for what you need hard?
Fear of rejection
Not wanting to seem “needy”
Feeling annoying
Thinking people should “just know”
Fear of being told no
Not knowing how to say it
Worrying it will cause conflict
Low self-esteem
Past experiences of being ignored
Which DBT skill do you avoid most?
Mindfulness (“I don’t like sitting still.”)
Opposite action (“It feels forced.”)
DEAR MAN (“I hate scripts.”)
TIPP (“Cold water is annoying.”)
Journaling (“I don’t want to think.”)
Checking the facts (“I don’t want to admit I might be wrong.”)
How could you use mindfulness during school?
Taking 3 slow breaths before a test
Noticing your feet on the ground when anxious
Focusing only on the teacher’s voice for 1 minute
Observing your thoughts instead of spiraling
Doing a 5-4-3-2-1 grounding in class
Pausing before responding to someone
Paying attention to your senses during lunch
You want to isolate but know it might make things worse. What skill could help?
Opposite Action (if sadness is telling you to withdraw)
Checking the Facts
PLEASE skills (sleep, eating, basic care)
Reaching out to one safe person
Behavioral activation
Wise Mind pause
Set a small social goal (not full isolation, not full social overload)
When does distraction turn into avoidance?
When you never come back to the problem
When you scroll for hours instead of dealing with something
When you ignore important conversations
When you use distraction to not feel anything ever
When schoolwork piles up because you keep avoiding it
When you use it daily instead of occasionally
What stops people from setting boundaries?
Fear of losing friends
Guilt
Wanting to fit in
People-pleasing
Being called dramatic
Conflict avoidance
Not knowing what a healthy boundary looks like
Worrying about being alone
Cultural/family expectations
What skill feels fake or cringe to you?
Affirmations
Talking to yourself kindly
Breathing exercises
“Wise Mind”
Saying scripts out loud
Self-validation
The word “mindfulness” itself
Putting your face in ice water
What’s the difference between reacting and observing?
Reacting:
Immediate
Emotion-driven
Impulsive
No pause
“Say it now, regret it later”
Observing:
Noticing thoughts/feelings without acting right away
Creating a pause
Saying, “I’m feeling angry” instead of yelling
Watching the emotion instead of becoming it
When might opposite action NOT be helpful?
When the emotion fits the facts
When the emotion is justified
When you’re in danger
When anger is signaling a real boundary violation
When fear is protecting you from something unsafe
When you need problem-solving, not opposite action
What’s a crisis skill you’d actually use?
Cold water on face
Ice in hand
Loud music
Shower
Walking
Calling a friend
Gaming for 20 minutes
5-4-3-2-1 grounding
Squeezing something
Stepping outside
When is it better to keep the peace vs. stand your ground?
Keep the peace when:
It’s minor
It won’t matter tomorrow
You’re emotionally dysregulated
It’s not about your core values
The relationship is more important than the issue
Stand your ground when:
A boundary is being crossed
It affects your safety
It impacts your mental health
It’s a repeated issue
You’ll resent staying silent
What skill actually works but you forget to use?
Deep breathing
Taking a walk
Music
Calling someone
Stepping away
Opposite action
Distraction for 20 minutes
Writing instead of texting impulsively
10-minute rule before responding
When is mindfulness annoying or hard?
When you’re really angry
When anxiety is high
When you want a distraction
When you don’t want to feel your feelings
When you’re overstimulated
When someone tells you to “just breathe”
When your thoughts are racing
When you feel numb
Give a real example of when emotions took over. What could have helped?
Yelling during an argument
Sending a long angry text
Posting something impulsive
Storming out of class
Crying and shutting down
Breaking something
Blocking someone immediately
Skills that could have helped:
TIPP
10-minute pause rule
Checking the facts
Wise Mind breathing
Taking space before responding
Opposite action (if shame led to hiding)
Self-soothing first
Why may someone avoid TIPP?
It feels awkward
It looks weird
“I don’t want to put my face in cold water.”
It seems dramatic
They forget in the moment
It doesn’t feel cool
It feels like too much effort
They don’t believe it works
Role-play a short DEAR MAN with help.
Example Scenario:
A friend keeps canceling plans last minute.
D – “When you cancel last minute…”
E – “…I feel frustrated and unimportant.”
A – “I’d like you to let me know earlier if you can’t make it.”
R – “That way I can make other plans.”
M – Stay focused
A – Appear confident
N – Be willing to negotiate
When are DBT skills hardest to use?
When emotions are intense (8–10/10)
During arguments
When feeling invalidated
When triggered
When tired
When around family
When friends are watching
When pride/ego kicks in
When you don’t want to let go of the emotion
When anger feels justified
Share a moment you were stuck in emotion mind.
Yelling during an argument and regretting it later
Sending a long emotional text
Ghosting someone out of hurt
Posting something passive-aggressive
Walking out of class angry
Shutting down completely
Self-sabotaging because of insecurity
Making assumptions without checking facts
What makes it hardest to regulate emotions?
Lack of sleep
Feeling invalidated
Hormones
Trauma triggers
Overthinking
Feeling misunderstood
Social media comparison
Being around family
Not having coping skills in the moment
Intense emotions feel urgent
“It happens too fast.”
What’s your go-to unhealthy coping — and what could replace it?
Avoiding
Doom-scrolling
Lashing out
Isolating
Oversleeping
Not eating / overeating
Self-sabotaging
Substance use (if relevant in IOP)
Passive-aggressive posts
Yelling
Shutting down
What makes confrontation scary?
Fear of rejection
Fear of losing the relationship
Fear of yelling
Not knowing how they’ll react
Past trauma
Feeling powerless
Anxiety
Overthinking what to say
Fear of being misunderstood
Not trusting your own feelings
If DBT had one rule that annoys you, what is it?
“I don’t want to validate people who hurt me.”
“I don’t want to accept reality.”
“I hate that I have to be the bigger person.”
“It feels like I have to change, not them.”
“It feels unfair.”
“I don’t like radical acceptance.”
“Why do I have to regulate when they’re wrong?”