Dialectics
What do Dialectics mean?
Seeing the truth in 2 seemingly opposing ideas at the same time.
Apparent competence is when you mask your feelings and pretend like you are fine, when you actually need help. Share a personal example of a time you exhibited apparent competence.
At work I act like I am fine and take on more responsibilities even though I am finding it increasingly more difficult to manage the workload without help.
True or False: A person's emotions are always valid, although the way someone acts on or expresses their emotions can be invalid, depending on the situation.
True!
Example: If a person feels angry and then destroys their roommate's property out of anger -> The anger is a valid emotional experience, but the destruction of property would not be a valid/ appropriate way to express that anger.
What does validation mean?
Finding the kernel of truth in another person's experience. Understanding where someone is coming from.
What is a food that you did not like as a child, but as an adult you love?
Or what food did you like as a child, but hate as an adult?
I ate porkchops as a kid but do not like it as an adult.
I did not like French onion soup as a kid but I love it as an adult.
What are 2 extremes that you struggle to balance?
Cutting people out of my life versus building trust and getting close to people
What are some skills that could help us cope with apparent competence (masking like I am fine when I am not)?
Assertive communication, being mindful of your current emotion and then communicating your needs to others, DEARMAN
True or False: Validating someone means agreeing with everything they say.
FALSE! You can use empathy to validate someone's emotions and personal experience without necessarily agreeing with them on how they coped with that situation.
Example: If someone gets very stressed out and then uses substances to numb their emotions, we can validate the emotion without agreeing with how they coped with that emotion.
What is invalidation?
When someone denies, rejects, or dismisses your experience of reality.
If you had a million dollars that you had to only spend on yourself, what would you get first?
A house and then build a home library.
Make a dialectical statement for the following scenario:
"This problem is hopeless, I can't do it." + "Life is easy, I don't have any problems."
A problem can be challenging, and with enough skills and support, I can work through it to achieve periods of stability.
Active passivity means that we approach our problems with helplessness and do not work on actively solving our problems. Are there any problems that you are avoiding dealing with because they seem too overwhelming to deal with?
Relationship issues, financial issues, work issues, boundary issues, etc.
How can you show someone you are talking to that you are paying attention to them during the conversation?
Give them eye contact, nod along, listen to what they are saying, and Do not multitask!
Experiencing invalidation from your parents regarding your mental health symptoms.
Is there a conspiracy theory that you believe in? What is it?
Aliens/ life on other planets being a possibility.
Make a dialectical statement for the following scenario:
"If I were healthy, I would be able to trust everyone." + "Other people always hurt me, so I don't trust anyone."
I am able to check the facts to decide how much trust someone is worthy of having from me. People can build trust over time by being consistent and reliable.
Unrelenting crisis is a pattern of experiencing stressful events chronically, one after another, which makes it incredibly hard to achieve stability. What physical signs/ symptoms/ urges inform you that you are in an emotional crisis?
Increased heart rate, panic attack, emotionally dysregulated, crying, the urge to run away/ shut down during conversation.
True or False: When we practice level 3 validation "read minds," we use nonverbal cues and our knowledge about the situation to infer how someone might be feeling, but we don't need to be open to correction from the other person.
False! It is often helpful to check in to make sure that we are not actually jumping to conclusions!
What makes invalidation problematic in relationships?
Chronic invalidation can make us not trust our internal experiences to the point that we sometimes do not trust what emotions we are actually experiencing.
What values did you grow up with? How have they changed, if at all?
I grew up with a strong work ethic and I think I have maintained that value, though I do also practice self-compassion when I need breaks.
How might challenging extremes and utilizing dialectics make an impact on your life?
It helps me challenge extreme black-and-white thinking so that I can view a situation from a more grounded perspective and resist acting impulsively in that moment.
What is the purpose of understanding dialectical dilemmas, such as the pattern of apparent competence and active passivity?
We want to be able to identify these dysfunctional behavioral patterns because these patterns get in the way of engaging in skillful behavior. The goal is to identify helpful skills and supports that we can use to GRADUALLY work through these dilemmas more effectively.
Is it possible to reach all 6 levels of validation (where we feel the exact same way as the other person in the same situation as them) in every conversation we have?
NO! We can do our best to reach as many levels of validation as possible in our relationships, but the goal is to remain genuine and accept when others feel differently than we would feel in a specific situation.
Give an example of a self-validating statement.
It makes sense that I feel hurt and misunderstood because my mom did not even try to understand my mental health problems from my perspective before she dismissed my concerns. I can still validate that what I am experiencing is real and get the necessary support from group.
What is an experience you had that was totally uncomfortable at the time, but looking back, you are happy you experienced because you learned a lot?
Running groups in an addiction program as an intern. I never thought I'd be a group facilitator, but I really enjoy it!