De-Escalation

Escalation

100

What is often the first sign that someone is becoming escalated.

What is a change in tone, pace, or volume of voice?

200

Peer suddenly becomes overly rigid and shuts down.

What you observe: 

• Peer stops talking mid-conversation
• Gives short, one-word answers
• Avoids eye contact or turns their body away
• Shoulders become tense, arms cross tightly
• They start doing tasks aggressively (slamming drawers, typing hard)

How would you respond, and what does this indicate?

What this usually indicates:
They’re overwhelmed and emotionally “closing off,” an early sign they’re moving toward frustration or burnout.

How to respond:
“Hey, I noticed you got quiet really quickly. Everything okay? I’m here if you want to walk through what’s going on.”

Why it works:

• Calls attention to the shift without judgment
• Opens the door for them to share
• Prevents escalation by showing support before it reaches the breaking point

300

Teller error caused a delay or incorrect transaction.

A member approaches the counter upset, speaking loudly:
“I can’t believe this! You guys messed up my transaction, and now I have to come back again? This is ridiculous!” 

What is a good response?

“I’m really sorry for the mistake — I can understand why you’d be frustrated. Let me fix this for you right now and make sure it’s done correctly. I’ll walk you through each step so you don’t have to worry about it happening again.” 

Why this works:

• Acknowledges the mistake clearly (no excuses, no defensiveness).
• Validates their frustration without escalating it.
• Shows ownership, which builds trust back quickly.
• Focuses on the immediate fix, which shifts the member from emotion → resolution.
• Offering to walk them through it increases their sense of control and transparency.

400

Peer becomes increasingly sarcastic or passive-aggressive.

What you observe:

• Peer uses sarcasm in place of normal communication
• Makes subtle jabs (“Well I guess I’ll do it since no one else will…”)
• Tone becomes sharp or clipped
• They start making mistakes or rushing tasks
• They sigh repeatedly when approached

What does this indicate and how would you respond?

What this usually indicates:
They’re resentful or feel unheard, but aren’t comfortable expressing frustration directly.
Sarcasm is often a masked escalation sign.

How to respond:
“I’m getting the sense you’re frustrated. I want to make sure I’m not missing something important. Can we take a minute to talk through what’s going on?”

Why it works:

• Addresses the emotional tone without accusing
• Gives them permission to name the real issue
• Reduces the chance of the situation blowing up later

500

Name two verbal and two nonverbal indicators that escalation is about to occur.

Verbal - Interrupting, short/abrupt responses

Nonverbal - Crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, foot tapping/leg shaking, clench jaw

What not to say

100

Avoid this four word phrase because it tends to invalidate feelings.

What is calm down, okay?

200

Peer to peer

"That's not my problem."

What is an alternative you can say?

Better alternative:
“I want to help get you to the right solution. Let me see what we can do or who can assist.”

Why not:
This immediately creates defensiveness and communicates that you don’t care about their experience.
It escalates almost every situation.

300

Why should you avoid saying, "I understand exactly how you feel"?

It feels dismissive or presumptuous

400

Peer to peer or to member: 

"I already explained this - like I said.."

what is a better response?

Better alternative:
“Let me walk you through it again in a clearer way so it makes sense.” 

Why not:
Comes off as condescending and dismissive, implying the member wasn’t listening or isn’t smart enough to understand.

500

Give a replacement phrase for "you're overreacting"

What is: "It sounds like this issue is important to you - let's talk through it."

Body Language and Tone

100

Member is making inappropriate comments or being disrespectful 

Observation:

• Rude language, gestures, or invading personal space

Response:

• Body Language: Maintain safe distance, keep hands visible, upright posture
• Tone: Calm, firm, professional
• Phrase Example:
  “I’m here to help, but I can’t continue the conversation if that language is used. Let’s focus on getting your transaction completed.”

Why it works:

• Sets a clear boundary without escalating
• Redirects focus to the transaction
• Maintains safety and professionalism

200

A member leans over the counter, raises their voice, and cuts you off mid-sentence:
“No, no—just fix it! I don’t want the whole explanation!”

“I hear this is important to you, and I want to get it right. To do that, I just need a moment to explain what’s happening so we don’t miss anything.” 

why it works: 

• You acknowledge urgency without matching their intensity.
• You set a professional boundary without saying “stop interrupting.”
• You calmly explain why you need to continue speaking, which reduces pushback.

300

Your voice should be this speed and tone during de-escalation

What is slow, calm, and even?

400

A member walks up to the counter with stiff posture, clenched jaw, and arms crossed.
When you greet them, they respond with a short, sharp:
“Just need to make a withdrawal.”

“Of course. I can help with that. Before I get started, is there anything specific you’re concerned about today so I make sure we get it right for you?” 

Why it works: 

• You don’t call out their tension directly (which can escalate things).
• You acknowledge their need while opening a gentle door to the real issue.
• The tone signals patience and steadiness, which often softens their tone.

500

Someone is yelling. You're tempted to match their volume so they can hear you. Why is this ineffective?

What is: Raising your voice mirrors escalation and increases defensiveness?

Calming Techniques

100

This technique involves acknowledging someone's feelings without agreeing or disagreeing. 

What is validation

Ex: " I can hear that this situation has been frustrating"

200

Acknowledging and offering control technique

“I hear that this situation has been really frustrating. Let’s look at what options we do have so you can choose what works best for you.”

Why it works:  

• Validates their frustration without judging it.
• Offering choices gives them a sense of control, which reduces yelling.
• Shifts the focus from emotion → solution.

300

Focus on the goal technique

I want to help get this resolved for you. Tell me what the end result is that you’re hoping for, and we’ll work on getting there together. 

Why it works:

• Avoids reacting to the yelling.
• Highlights your shared goal.
• Encourages them to move from emotion → clarity.

400

Slow down without saying calm down technique

I want to make sure I’m understanding you correctly. Let me go step-by-step with you so nothing gets missed.

Why it works: 

• Helps naturally slow the pace of the interaction.
• Doesn’t tell them to calm down; it models calm behavior.
• Reassures them you’re focused and attentive, reducing the need to raise their voice.

500

A coworker is speaking loudly and saying, "This isn't fair!"

What is "I want to understand what feels unfair for you -- can you tell me what part is the biggest concern?"

Why it works: Shifts them from emotion -> specific issue

Scenario Responses

100

A member is saying, "this is taking forever, why does everything take so long here?"

I can see how the wait would be frustrating; let me check where we are in the process so I can give you an accurate update.

Why it works: Validates their feelings, Reassures them that you're taking action, Shifts the focus from emotion to information.

200

I sent my change order, why can't you fill this?

“I understand how inconvenient this is, and I’m sorry for the delay. Our cash supply is lower than usual right now, so we can’t complete the full change order at the moment. What I can do is check what amount we can provide today and discuss options for getting the remaining amount as quickly as possible.”+

Why it works: 

• Acknowledges the inconvenience without taking blame personally.
• Gives a clear, factual explanation (low cash on hand).
• Immediately shifts to what you can do, reducing frustration.
• Keeps the member involved in the solution instead of feeling helpless or ignored.

300

Our members upset because we're asking them to redo information. "Why do I have to fill this out again, you should already have my information?"

“I understand this feels repetitive. The reason we’re asking again is to make sure everything is accurate for your request. I’ll help make this as quick as possible.” 

Why it works: 

• Explains the why.
• Minimizes perceived burden.
• Provides reassurance that you’re there to assist.

400

Peer to peer:Coworker isn't listening or keeps ignoring instructions.

A coworker isn't following direction or keeps brushing off what you are saying.  

Hey, can we pause for a second? I want to make sure we're on the same page. What I'm asking is ___ and I'd like to understand what you're seeing from your side. 

Why it works: 

• Neutral tone prevents defensiveness.
• Shifts from accusation → collaboration.
• Clears up miscommunication before resentment builds.

500

General team conflict/peer tension:

Two team members keep snapping at each other or blaming each other. 

“I want us to work smoothly together, so can we check in on what’s been causing tension? I’d like to hear both perspectives so we can find something that works for all of us.” 

Why it works: 

• Invites both sides to speak.
• Frames the conversation around teamwork, not blame.
• Creates space to reset expectations.