DEAR Skills
What does the D stand for in DEAR?
Describe
What does the M stand for in MAN?
Mindful
Scenario-your friend keeps cancelling plans
Utilize describe
You cancelled our plans twice this week
Why is being direct important?
People cannot guess what you want or read your mind
Scenario-Your parents said no to hanging out with friends on a school night
Utilize describe
You said I can't hang out tonight because I have school tomorrow
What is the point of 'express'?
What does 'appear confident' look like?
Steady voice, calm posture, maintain eye contact
Scenario-your friend keeps cancelling plans
Utilize express
I feel frustrated and disappointed
You never listen
I feel ignored
Scenario-Your parents said no to hanging out with friends on a school night
Utilize express
I feel disappointed and frustrated because I have not seen them much this week
What part of DEAR is about clearly asking for what you want?
Assert
What do you think the broken record technique is?
Repeating your request calmly
Scenario-your friend keeps cancelling plans
Utilize assert
I'd like you to let me know earlier or follow through
Why is it important to say what your feelings are?
To help others understand you
Scenario-Your parents said no to hanging out with friends on a school night
Utilize assert
I'd like to hang out with my friends for a short time tonight
What does 'reinforce' mean?
Explain the positive outcome or reward
What does it mean to 'negotiate'?
Being willing to compromise
Scenario-your friend keeps cancelling plans
Utilize reinforce
It would help me trust you more
Turn this into a fact...
You are always late
You were late yesterday
Scenario-Your parents said no to hanging out with friends on a school night
Utilize reinforce
If I can go for a little while I will feel less stressed and be more focused when I come home
Why is 'describe' important?
It reduces defensiveness by sticking to facts
Why is mindfulness important during a conflict?
Helps you stay focused and not get distracted or emotional
Scenario-your friend keeps cancelling plans
Utilize negotiate
Even a heads up would help a lot
Turn this into a feeling statement...
You never help
I feel stressed when I do everything by myself
Scenario-Your parents said no to hanging out with friends on a school night
Utilize negotiate
Could I go for just an hour?
I can finish my homework before I go
Could we plan for tomorrow instead?