That's So Gay
The Ever Illustrious Rules of Taekwondo
Great Expectations
The Olympics, but like actually Donald Trump
I Know You Like My Moustache
400
In this sport, athletes frequently give up on actually competing and simply hug each other, unable to refuse the gay.
What is Taekwondo?
400
This is the highest point value available in Taekwondo, resulting in an immediate win.
What is an Ippon?
400
This country on the Baltic Sea in between Estonia and Lithuania happened to win the gold medal in 3x3 basketball. How exciting!
What is Latvia?
400
Donald Trump said that America would have won this sport had the team not been so "woke" and the nation's best athlete not died her hair purple.
What is Soccer?
400
David Wilkie
What is the United States?
800
This sport, which is pretty gay, features buff athletes who wear no shirts and small underwear who attempt to pin each other to the ground aggressively. Yknow, the american one.
What is Wrestling?
800
Kukkiwon Taekwondo is also referred to as this style, which makes sense given its appearance every four summers.
What is Olympic Taekwondo?
800
You might not have expected it, but this Caribbean island country has won the most COMMMMMMMMMUNIIIIIIIISSSSSSSMMM gold medals in wrestling during this year's Olympic games.
What is Cuba?
800
In 2016, Donald Trump called this version of the Olympic games, which typically takes place a few weeks after the main Summer Olympics competitions, "sad" and "hard to watch."
What are the Paralympics?
800
Ammar Riad Abduljabbar
What is Germany?
1200
This sport is the only Olympic sport that has no competitions available for men; nonetheless, its dance and gymnastics features make it one of the gayer ones on display at Tokyo this year.
What is Rhythmic Gymanstics?
1200
Competitors in Taekwondo must wear a dobok, a uniform which is this color.
What is White?
1200
This country, which won the gold medal in the Women's 100m dash during this year's Olympics, beat the United States by just a few milliseconds. Interestingly, however, this country is not, in fact, a country, but part of the United States.
What is Puerto Rico?
1200
In 2018, Donald Trump explained that the reason Pyeongchang had failed to sell out its events for the Winter Olympics was because "it's hard to sell tickets when you're scared of being nuked," presumably by this country.
What is North Korea?
1200
Dan Bibby
What is the United Kingdom?
1600
This sport, debuting for the first time at the Olympics this year, features people who can quickly move up and down walls. As far as sports go, that's pretty gay.
What is Sport Climbing?
1600
There are ten gup of Taekwondo belts, ranging from white to black, gup translating to this word.
What is Grade or What is Level?
1600
This West African country, known for cities like Marrakech and Fez, won the 3000 meter steeple chase just a few days ago. What victory, what greatness!
What is Morocco?
1600
Fill in the blank: In 2018, Donald Trump said, "President Moon of South Korea said without _____, the Olympics would have been a total failure." (Note: President Moon did not say this).
Who is Donald Trump?
1600
Ariful Islam
What is Bangladesh?
2000
This sport is the only one which requires zero physical movement or ability of any kind: in fact, another animal is doing the majority of the work for your medal.
What is Equestrian?
2000
Only two alliterative parts of the body are able to score points in Olympic Taekwondo: these are they.
What is the Foot and the Fist?
2000
This Southeast Asian country, comprised of a chain of islands and ruled by a brutal dictatorship, won the final bout of the Men's Fly to receive their first gold medal during this Olympic games. Hurrah!
What is the Phillipines?
2000
Although the Olympic committee initially selected 2024 to be the year that Los Angeles would host the Olympics on behalf of the United States, the committee later decided to delay the games until 2028 for this predominant reason.
What is Because Donald Trump Wouldn't Be President Anymore (or would he??)?
2000
Rustam Assakalov
What is Uzbekistan?