EVERYDAY CHOICES
"What information am I missing before I make a decision?"
Adult – Uses facts and gathers information before deciding.
"You always screw everything up."
Unhealthy Critical Parent – Uses blame, shame, and criticism.
"I forgive you, but I still need to maintain healthy boundaries."
Healthy Nurturing Parent – Shows compassion while maintaining boundaries.
"What solution moves me toward my recovery instead of away from it?"
Adult – Evaluates decisions based on recovery goals.
"This looks fun! Let's give it a try."
Healthy Free Child – Shows healthy excitement and spontaneity.
"I'll just agree with everyone so nobody gets upset."
Unhealthy Adaptive Child – People-pleasing and fear of conflict.
"I'm upset right now, so I'm going to wait until I calm down before responding."
Adult – Recognizes emotions and chooses a thoughtful response.
"I need everyone to approve of me before I feel okay."
Unhealthy Adaptive Child – Depends on outside approval.
"I love learning new things and trying different hobbies."
Healthy Free Child – Shows healthy curiosity and exploration.
"I'd rather stay quiet than tell them how I really feel."
Unhealthy Adaptive Child – Suppresses feelings out of fear.
"Take your time. You'll figure this out one step at a time."
Healthy Nurturing Parent – Offers encouragement and reassurance.
"I'm willing to listen because maybe someone knows something I don't."
Healthy Adaptive Child – Demonstrates humility and willingness to learn.
"I disagree with you, but I want to understand your perspective."
Adult – Demonstrates balanced communication and respect.
"I made a mistake. Now I need to figure out how to make it right."
Healthy Critical Parent – Demonstrates accountability.
"I respect the rules because they help keep everyone safe."
Healthy Adaptive Child – Appropriately accepts structure and guidance.
"I don't care who gets hurt. I just want what I want."
Unhealthy Free Child – Acts impulsively without considering others.
"Don't worry about your responsibilities today. You deserve a break after everything you've been through."
Unhealthy Nurturing Parent – Enables avoidance of responsibility.
"I'll pay his bills again because I don't want him to be upset with me."
Unhealthy Nurturing Parent – Rescues someone to avoid disappointment.
"I'll keep making excuses for them because I know they mean well."
Unhealthy Nurturing Parent – Enables behavior instead of encouraging responsibility.
"If I don't do everything perfectly, I'm a failure."
Unhealthy Critical Parent – Demonstrates harsh self-judgment and perfectionism.
"I expect myself to keep my commitments because my integrity matters."
Healthy Critical Parent – Demonstrates personal standards and accountability.
"I know this is a bad idea, but it sounds exciting."
Unhealthy Free Child – Prioritizes excitement over consequences.
"People should know better than to make mistakes like that."
Unhealthy Critical Parent – Uses rigid expectations and judgment.
"I can't control someone else's choices, but I can control mine."
Adult – Recognizes personal responsibility and realistic limits.
"Before I respond, I'm going to ask a few questions so I understand the situation."
Adult – Seeks information before making judgments.