Purpose of Emotions
What do emotions do for us?
Protect us, help us communicate, allows us to check in with ourselves.
What is the first step of emotion regulation?
Identify the emotion!
What is the difference between guilt and shame?
Guilt is about something I did/didn't do and shame is about who I am
When they receive criticism from others, it sets off their own personal belief that they are worthless and unlovable. This makes them very angry, so they'll then ridicule, blame and criticize others.
Shame-based anger
Verbal threats, yelling, and cursing
Aggressive
"This can't be happening"
Denial
What is the purpose of fear?
Protection, problem solving, wisdom
What is opposite action?
Identifying the emotion we are experiencing and the urge we have, asking ourselves if it's helpful, and if it is not we do the opposite to prompt a different emotion or reduce the intensity of the emotion we are experiencing
What is the difference between true and false guilt?
True Guilt: Something I did/didn't do that was in my control (flicked someone off in traffic)
False Guilt: Something I feel guilty for that is out of my control (was late to meeting because of traffic)
This anger seems to come out of nowhere. This type of anger tends to happen quickly and is usually over just as quickly, but it can leave a mass of destruction in its wake. The key factor in understanding this type is that it is a sudden loss of control.
Sudden Anger
Avoiding conflict, difficulty asserting self and setting boundaries
"It's going to be okay. I am moving on."
What is the purpose of anger?
Assert self/advocate for needs, motivation, justice
What does ABC stand for in ABC PLEASE?
Accumulate positive experiences, build mastery, cope ahead
What do we do with true guilt?
1. Apologize/Make Amends (ideally receiving forgiveness and/or forgiving ourselves)
2. Take Action!
People with this type of anger look forward to the rush and excitement that this emotion provides. People with this anger type also tend to pick fights because they are looking for an emotional "high.”
Addictive Anger
Expressing anger through sarcasm
Passive Aggressive
"Why is this happening to me? It's not fair."
Anger
What is the purpose of guilt?
Tells us when we do something wrong, allows us to make amends and express regret/remorse, maintains social norms/expectations of what is appropriate
Fill in the blank of how we "check the facts":
Event -> ______ -> Feelings
Interpretation of the event
What do we do with false guilt (Hint: Frozen)
Let it go!
These people feel that they have every right to be angry at others who have broken the "rules.” This gives them the sense that they are superior to everybody else and they believe that their anger is for a good cause. Seeing the world too simply and failing to understand that people are different from the way they are is a hallmark of this anger style.
Moral
Using I feel statements
Assertive
"I'll do anything to change this"
Bargaining
What is the purpose of pain/sadness?
Tells us when something is wrong, allows us to connect to others and ourself, motivates growth
What does PLEASE stand for in ABC PLEASE?
Treat physical illness, balanced eating, avoid mood altering substances, balance sleep, and get exercise
What do we do with shameful thoughts?
1. Describe vs Judge
2. Defuse (I'm noticing I'm having the thought that...)
This type of anger is daily, often based in childhood experiences and being exposed consistently to anger. These people are grumpy and they usually tend to get angry at small things. They may also go through their days looking for a fight, and they tend to see the worst in everyone and in every situation.
Habitual Anger
Giving the "silent treatment" or the dreaded K.
"What's the point in going on after this loss?"
Depression