Screening
You must weigh at least this much to ride the plasma donation ride.
What is 110 pounds
This is the classic “I got lightheaded and now I’m starring in my own soap opera” donor moment
What is a hypotensive/vasovagal reaction?
Before drawing a sample, this is how many times you spin the bottle — not for a kiss, but for compliance.
What is three times?
This is the name of the donor who comes in five minutes before closing… every time.
What is “our favorite donor”?
This virtue makes you throw away your gloves and wash your hands, even when no one’s around to tattle.
What is Integrity?
When a donor looks more “Walking Dead” than “Ready to Donate,” this person takes a closer look.
Who is the Physician Substitute?
You’ll know this noise when you hear it — it’s the centrifuge’s way of saying “YOU HAD ONE JOB.”
What is a high-pitched grinding or screaming noise?
Before sampling, this must be confirmed as absent from the bottle’s exterior.
What is plasma or other contaminants?
This is what you mutter when a donor says, “Hey, I just have a quick question…” at the kiosk
What is “Here we go again…”
This is the number of paid holidays provided to full-time team members annually.
What is 7?
You don’t need this when the donor’s ID and their address are besties.
What is secondary proof of address?
It’s the collection exception you document when the saline ghosts the donor harder than their last Tinder match.
What is a Saline Event?
These three visual aspects must be inspected before labeling and storing the plasma unit.
What are clarity, color, and presence of foreign material?
This is the speed you work when you hear “QA is here” and you haven’t finished prepping samples
What is light speed panic mode?
When life gives you stress, this program is your free, confidential lifeline — available 24/7, no judgment included.
What is the Employee Assistance Program (EAP)?
When a donor’s vitals keep failing like a bad group project, this hero steps in to take the wheel.
Who is the Physician Substitute?
This gets documented when the donor ghosted between “Here’s your squeeze ball” and “Here comes the needle.”
What is a "Softgoods Not Used" Collection Exception?
Plasma must be returned to the freezer for this long if it exceeds 20 minutes outside before packing.
What is 30 minutes?
This is the phrase that triggers a thousand-yard stare from even the most veteran team member.
What is “Can you stay a little late?”
When workplace drama goes from “ugh” to “uh-oh,” this team steps in.
What is Human Resources (HR)?
When the donor’s arm looks like it lost a fight with a grapefruit, this report must be completed.
What is an MIR (Medical Incident Report)?
This reaction features swelling, crashing blood pressure, and a dramatic exit from normal vitals — the VIP package of allergic responses.
What is anaphylaxis
These reports must be cleared before shipment: Loose Unit Report and this one related to infectious disease.
What is the Units in Shipments Pending Syphilis Test Results Report?
This is what coworkers offer in exchange for you covering their shift.
What is promises, snacks, and a questionable IOU?
Cooking the books? Fibbing on your hours? Congrats — you just earned this very final outcome.
What is immediate termination?