Australian Facts
Name three unique Australian animals.
Koala, wombat, kangaroo, emu, platypus, possum, etc...
Another reason why governments should invest more money in digital technology for schools is that students, teachers and parents can interact on the same internet platform.
Is this topic sentence linked to the question? Does it contain a clear controlling idea?
YES. It is a good topic sentence.
Teachers can't take into account ......
Teachers can not take into account ......
AVOID CONTRACTIONS!
It is recommended that schools consider how to integrate digital technology into the school curriculum and use it more interactively.
What type of final comment is this? An opinion, recommendation or prediction?
It is a recommendation. It suggests what schools should do.
Governments should be considered provide the investment to school which may help students learning more courses.
Governments should consider investing in digital tools for schools because they may help students learn more courses.
What's the capital city of Australia?
Canberra
However, digital technology has existed already, but many teachers do not know how do they works and cannot use them in a right way.
Is this topic sentence linked to the question? What is the controlling idea?
Is this topic sentence linked to the question? NO
What is the controlling idea? teachers cannot use digital tools effectively
Better version: However, governments should invest more in digital tools for schools because teachers need to be trained how to use their existing digital technology more effectively.
Most students will feel bored in class, so they will want to sleep. And the use of digital devices can increase the interest of learning, and improve the enthusiasm of students to learn.
Most students will feel bored in class, so they will want to sleep. However, the use of digital devices can increase the interest of learning, and improve the enthusiasm of students to learn.
AVOID STARTING SENTENCES WITH AND, BUT and SO.
The use of digital technology is the embodiment of the future trend and digital technology can also be applied to life and work.
Is this a relevant final comment?
The first part is, but the second part is not.
The use of digital technology is the embodiment of the future trend and schools need to ensure that they are teaching students relevant technological skills they can use in their life and work.
For example, some students are easy to be addicted to online games...
Students can become easily addicted.
When does winter begin in Australia?
In June.
Another reason is the high cost of maintenance for Governments.
Is this a good topic sentence?
No, as it is not linked to the question!
Another reason why governments should not provide any further funding for digital technology is the high cost of maintenance of digital tools.
Nowadays, the application of digital technology has become more and more common, especially in the educational environment. (2 errors)
Nowadays, the application of digital technology has become more and more common, especially in the educational environment.
Correct: In recent years, the application of digital technology has become increasingly more common, especially in the educational environment.
It is essential that governments provide more help to education, but they also have to make sure the investment is indeed proper.
Is this a clear final comment? Do you understand what the government needs to do?
No, it is too vague and general. It has an empty meaning!
Suggestion:
It is recommended that instead of investing into hardware such as laptops or desktop computers, schools focus on purchasing useful software that students can download on their own devices.
Another the government should not invest digital technology for school because students may cheat on test through using digital technology. (6 mistakes including missing or incorrect words)
Another reason governments should not invest in digital technology for schools is that students may cheat on test through using digital technology.
Australia is made up of ____ states and ____ territories.
Australia is made up of 6 states and 2 territories.
Another benefit of digital technology is efficiency in learning environment.
Does this topic sentence contain the main idea from the question?
NO! Should governments invest?
Another reason why government should provide extra funding for digital tools in education is that digital technology has the potential to increase the efficiency of teaching and learning.
Schools will ask students to search information from the Internet or do group work, but if we use digital technology, it is very convenient to send it to our classmates through the Internet. (2 issues)
Schools will ask students to search information from the Internet or do group work, but if they use digital technology, it is very convenient for them to send it to their classmates through the Internet.
AVOID PERSONAL PRONOUNS (except for it/they)
The two benefits discussed in this essay are expand student’s hobbies and inspire student ‘s interest in learning. These benefits in this essay have explained why government should invest digital technology for school.
Is this a relevant final comment?
NO. It just summarises what happened in the essay.
It is recommended that schools train their staff in using digital tools in innovative ways to continue inspiring students to learn.
Although students may use digital technology to entertain in school. But ,this paper thinks that the government should increase the investment in digital technology in schools.
Although students may use digital technology to for entertainment at school, this essay will argue that governments should increase the investment in digital technology in schools.
However, digital technology can use sound and image, graphics and other ways to fully stimulate students' senses, such as hearing, vision and other organs, greatly improving the sensory function of human brain to obtain information, so that the teaching content becomes more vivid that students broaden their horizons, stimulate the enthusiasm of students to participate in learning.
TOO DETAILED and NOT LINKED TO THE QUESTION!
However, governments should invest more in digital technology as digital tools have the potential to increase students' engagement in class.
The government should invest more in the construction of digital equipment in schools, which can kill two birds with one stone for teachers and students.
The government should invest more in the construction of digital equipment in schools, which can kill two birds with one stone for teachers and students.
AVOID USING IDIOMS IN ACADEMIC STYLE!
Governments should provide digital tools to schools because teachers can teach more effectively, but schools need to solve the issue of students cheating in the exams by implementing relevant policies and special software to recognise plagiarism.
Concession: students can use technology to cheat in exams
Is the final comment relevant to the essay?
Yes! That's a great final comment - recommendation.
As a result, allowing students to use digital technology will decline in overall self-control and quality of learning, so government provide the digital technology in schools is not recommended.
As a result, allowing students to use digital technology will decline in overall self-control and quality of learning, so government's investment in digital technology in schools is not recommended.