Healthy Boundaries
Saying "___"
no
seeing self as the victim, warding off a perceived attack
defenssivness
unproductive, creates tension/resentments, diverts attention away from the original problem
the blame game
I lose, you lose
passive-aggressive
A real boundary is saying _______________ in response to a behavior.
what you are going to do
Communicating ____ and ____
wants, needs
withdrawing from the relationship as a way to avoid conflict, often a response to being overwhelmed
stonewalling
Name (or describe) the 2 types of listening.
1) conversational
2) linear
not directly communicating your feelings, but you hold onto your negative emotions & let those affect your actions
passive-aggressive communciaiton
Focus on one at a time.
start small
Respecting other's ______ (even if they are different)
values
- using relaxation techniques to calm down
- stay present
- it's ok to take a break
self-soothing
1) avoid responsibility
2) protect their reputation
What does it mean to be ________ ________.
- manages their feelings in nearly any situation
- possesses empathy
- knows how to de-escalate a situation
emotionally mature
Why do you need this boudnary?
goal-setting
Disclosing information when ___________.
appropriate
- appropriate time
- appropriate body language/tone
- using "I" statements
gentle startup
Name 3 of the 4 things an apology should include...
1) reflect on actions, take responsibility, acknowledge the offense
2) identify the mistake, explain NOT excuse
3) express remorse, makes the person feel cared for
4) offer to make amends, improve things in the future
It's not the behavior, but where your heart is
hard (behavior) loving (intention)
Pick the main thing that is bothering you.
keep it simple
___________ without compromising yourself in an unhealthy way.
Flexibility
Name the 4 horsemen and their antidotes.
criticism v. gentle start up
contempt v. share fondness & admiration
defensiveness v. take responsibility
stonewalling v. self-soothing
Name the 5 Levels of Listening
1) ignoring the speaker
2) pretending to listen
3) selective listening
4) attentive listening
5) empathetic listening
Saying "yes" because you're too nervous to say "no"
Trying to avoid their own discomfort
soft (behavior) selfish (intention)
Establishing clear consequences include being _______ and _______.
realistic, clear