Maria being Maria
So, what do you do for work?
Miscellaneous
Family Ties
More Maria
100
This is what Maria called Karen Wheaton's Front Porch Friends conference while confidently inviting her friend over the phone, proving that when she doesn't know the name of something, she simply makes one up and says it with her whole chest.
What is "Back Yard Buddies"?
100
After 4 years of law school, 1 Juris Doctor degree, 2 failed Bar exams, and finally 1 passed Bar exam, Kayla decided that instead of simply doing the job she worked so hard to become qualified for, she would do this instead.
What is teaching AI how to be a lawyer?
100
According to all members of the Hoffmaster family, this is the most handsome and anointed man to walk into our house.
Who is Gabriel Michael Randolph?
100
In what can only be described as an unnecessary investigation, Maria stuck her finger in her belly button, apparently discovered something unexpected, and proceeded to announce this out of nowhere.
What is "It doesn't stink..."?
200
Maria might use this exclamation when she realizes she drank a Diet Coke way too late because it’s going to keep her up all night, or when there’s only one more dishwasher pod left, or really for any non-important or completely uneventful situation.
What is "Uh-Oh!"?
200
Steve claims to be exhausted from working all week, but his job consists of this particularly strenuous activity that apparently take everything out of him.
What is
?
200
This family member was worthy of being put on display as a dental case study for Dr. Bisconti's office, becoming a live demonstration of what happens when you think you're above wearing your retainer.
Who is Kayla?
200
YOUR COUSIN could not comprehend that the Hoffmaster family were simply EXTRAS in The Chosen and not actual members of the cast, so she proceeded to take selfies with us while repeatedly exclaiming this.
What is "CHOSEN!!" 
200
Speaking of Secret Santa, if you are blessed enough to draw Maria's name this year, don't waste your time getting creative, because these are the ONLY two items she will request.
What is beef jerky and cookbooks?
300
You better pray you don't get Maria as your Secret Santa because she might surprise you with this SUPER PRACTICAL gift.
What are gift card tins with no gift cards in them?
300
The Poland Board told Maria she HAD to interview for this job that was hers by default, and they still didn't give it to her.
What is the Superintendent?
300
Buddy chose violence on a particular day when he deliberately took a dump directly into this item, and it is believed to be premeditated.
What is Ma's shoe?
300
Maria's million-dollar investment that was supposed to "SAVE US SO MUCH MONEY," but has spent the last year sitting unused, saving us absolutely nothing.
What is a cake spinner?
400
When Maria started yelling at Steve for almost breaking our $1,800 coffee machine, Steve deflected by saying this out-of-left-field statement.
What is "Oh, yeah, well, I'm sick and tired of you walking around here like you're some kind of interior decorator"?
400
This beautiful woman of God is currently unemployed, with $1,500 worth of bills, a useless teaching degree, and half of a master’s degree that she is probably not going to finish.
Who is Bella?
400
Upon Gabriel entering into the Hoffmaster household, Steve illustrated that it was like this spiritual explosive went off in the family.
What is a Jesus Bomb?
400
Maria is always cold, so she leaves her hot bathwater sitting in the tub to create her very own sauna experience, which, when combined with the lingering aromas of these two substances, creates this truly unforgettable atmosphere the second you walk into her bedroom.
What is coffee and dookie?
500
I still don't understand this encounter, but this is the neighbor Maria went on a walk with when she put her sunglasses on, but her sunglasses had one lens missing, and she didn't notice that an entire lens was popped out of her sunglasses, which means she willingly went on a walk wearing sunglasses that were only providing sun protection to one eye, and I just need everyone to understand that the lens was not cracked or slightly loose but was completely gone.
Who is Maria Lopuchovsky?
500
This 5'2" fatty was somehow over 130 pounds while working at Rulli Bros, a direct result of overindulging in kolache and every Italian delicacy that crossed her path.
Who is Kayla?