jokes
What did the cop say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!
Why did the man bring toilet paper to the party?
because he's a real party pooper!
Why did the coffee file a police report?
it got mugged!
Why did the coffee cup keep checking his watch?
Because it was time to espresso himself!
What do you call a miniature porcupine who steals money from people?
A hedge fund hog.
What did the evil chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.
What do you call a dinosaur with bad vision?
a Do-you-think-he-sarus!
How often do coffee lovers think about coffee?
They think about it latte.
How does coffee profess it's I love?
I Love you A Latte!
What's a polar bear's favorite song?
"lce lce baby"
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up!
I asked the lemon what it wanted for dinner...
it just gave me a sour look!
Why was the coffee shop worker fired?
He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
How are coffee beans like teenagers?
Both are always getting grounded.
What happened when the shark tried online dating?
He was catfished.
Why did the chicken go to the seance?
to talk to the other side
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school
It's ok he woke up
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Why did the poodle buy a clock?
It wanted to be a watch dog.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
what kind of coffee comes from a cow?
De-calf.
It's not procrastinating if you're drinking coffee.
It's "procaffinating".