Iceberg/Fouls
What does anger iceberg mean?
All the feelings underneath the anger
What does taking space mean?
Understanding when our body/brain needs to calm down and how we will communicate this, what we will do during this space(coping) as well as how to follow up after space
Name one assertive communication technique
Negotiation, or compromising is often viewed as something that occurs between adults. Why should you utilize it with your children?
SO parties can feel heard, and modeling correct behavior
What does a ratio mean, and how is it magical?
A mathematic equation, and can ensure positivity is brought into relationship after a negative interaction occurs
If our iceberg is big, we foul, what does a foul mean?
things we do that making the situation worse, and cause others to “foul” back
What does time and place mean?
That there is a proper time and place to discuss issues.
What is a sandwich technique? Provide example
Putting a concern or criticism(the meat) in between to positive(the bread)-Empathy->Concern->Solution
In negotiation, what is the ultimate goal?
For everyone to feel heard
Why is important to check in?
to ensure we follow up on difficult behaviors and also discuss good things
Why should we work to understand what is underneath our iceberg? Why should we work to understand what is underneath other's icebergs?
so we can understand why we lost our temper or shut down, and have empathy
What happens if we do not take space?
Fouls occur, tempers rise
Why is it important to use I and instead of you statements?
So the other person does not feel blamed
Does picking battles mean ignoring the problem?
No, this doesn’t mean you ignore the problem, but it means that you consider what problem are worth negotiating(could utilize SODAS in stead!)
What two values did we come up with as a family?
How does a foul damage the relationship with the person you fouled toward?
The other person will foul back likely, resentment will occur, conflict will escalate
Name a good time and place and a bad time and place to discuss conflict.
Ensuring that when we are upset and want to discuss with another person, we ensure it is not when Right before bed or first thing in the morning, In public(grocery, restaurant, waiting room), in front of company, when either party is hungry, just getting home, in the middle of a task, in the middle of doing something fun, or is not ready for any reason. We will wait until we are at home, in the car, or in the park, individuals are ready to talk, and appear to have some down time.
What is Active Listening? Give an example
Repeating back ALL of what you hear the other person say, to ensure you heard them correctly. It can also help you to hold on to the positives of what was said instead of just the negatives.
IF we become upset during negotiation, what can we do?
“This situation is escalating, can we take five minutes please?” Daniel may say “ I need time to think”. Chelsea can identify when space is needed between Daniel and Cort and direct them to do so. Rusty can voice her frustations on the spot if she is unable to take space, such as “I don’t want to get an x”
How should we start a check in?
Something positive! icebreakers, games, etc
What feeling are often under your iceberg when you are angry? What about the other person's iceberg?
As long you can name ONE feeling for yourself, another, answer is correct.
What can you do to take space? What can you do to take space? What about the other party?
Why do we need to be brief and direct when communicating? What does this look like?
Five words or less, long drawn out explanations requests will cause the other person to lose focus.
Any answer besides I dont know
What are five positive actions we can do after a negative interaction?
come up with five!