The Four Horsemen
What is Criticism?
Dealing with problems through harsh, blaming, or hurtful expressions of judgment of disapproval.
Gentle Startup means. . .
Dealing with problems in a calm and gentle way.
How to have self-compassion
Have a fair attitude toward yourself
Example of a gentle start up
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Appreciation
Your respect and value your partner and express gratitude
Someone is _______ when they make excuses for their behavior or shifting blame to their partner.
Owning up to your behaviour without blaming others.
Taking responsibility
How to take care of yourself
Taking a day off work to relax
Eat a healthy meal
exercise regularly
reward yourself with a treat when you meet a goal
Example statement of taking responsibility
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Commitment
You are invested in your partner and the relationship. You give the relationship adequate time and energy
Emotionally withdraws, shuts down, or goes silent during important discussions.
Stonewalling
Ability to use relaxation techniques to calm down and stay presnt with your partner.
Self-soothing
How to practice mindful awareness?
Create perspective and acceptance of your thoughts and feelings.
Ways to overcome contempt...............
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Conflict resolution
You take responsibility for your actions, and work as a team to solve problems.
The Four Horsemen are. . . . . .
Criticism
Defensiveness
Contempt
Stonewalling
The Four Antidotes are
Gentle Startup
Take responsibility
Share fondness & Admiration
Use Self-soothing
Is self-indulgence self-compassion?
No, Self-indulgence involves giving oneself short-term pleasure at the expense of long-term harm.
Affirmation for yourself......
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Empathy
You take your partner's perspective and understand their feelings, even if you do not always agree.
Using putdowns or insults
Acting superior to your partner
Using a mocking or sarcastic tone
Contempt
This person-
Shows affection
recognizes their partner's strengths
Gives compliments
Share Fondness & Admiration
What can you say to yourself about accepting that struggle is normal?
No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes
Everyone feels sad sometimes. This normal.
I'm not the first person to make this mistake.
How to share fondness & admiration
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Safety