Components of a Healthy Friendship
What does it mean to have a balanced friendship?
A balanced friendship means that not one person has control over the other. Each person compromises.
What does it mean to blame?
When you confront your friend and they blame you for their actions. Ex. "I would have never pushed you if you didn't make me upset"
When a friendship has turned unhealthy and you have tried to fix it several times, but nothing is working, do you have to stay friends? What if you are in the same classes?
No!
Connor and Jack have been friends for 5 years. They are in every class with each other and even play on the same basketball team. Jack is consistently feeling upset with Connor because he puts him down when he is in front of his other friends. What should Jack do?
Set boundaries. Discuss his feelings. If Connor does not change his behavior, end the unhealthy friendship.
Luis is always giving into what Hector wants to do. Hector never compromises. Is this relationship balanced?
No. Balanced relationships are equal and both parties must compromise at times.
What are boundaries in friendship?
Boundaries are guidelines on how you feel you should be treated. Remember the example of the neighbors with a fence.
What does it mean to distract?
Distraction means that when you confront your friend on how you feel, they bring up another topic. This can look like them praising you, bringing up something they are going through, or completely ignoring the topic all together
What are topics you should avoid discussing with someone you have decided to end a friendship with?
Anything personal.
Abby and Tanya are best friends. When Abby confronts Tanya about telling other classmates about her parents' divorce, Tanya explains that it's not a big deal. Many parents are divorced. What type of reaction is this?
Invalidation.
Sam and Tara were once best friends. Sam has decided that Tara is an unhealthy friend after trying to fix the friendship for months. Tara is in the same class as Sam and asks Sam how she is doing. What should Sam do?
Keep conversation light. "I am okay" vs "I am having a hard day due to getting in a big fight with my parents last night".
Do not disclose personal information.
Explain what it means for a friendship to be stable?
This means that the friendship is predictable. You know what to expect from them. Their moods are not hot and cold.
What does invalidation mean?
Invalidation means that when confronted, they may try to confuse you, try to make you remember the events incorrectly, or make you feel like your feelings are insignificant
What topics can you still discuss with a person you have decided is an unhealthy friend?
Small talk. Class topics. Weather. Simple and light
Dan and Kurt play in a band together. They are new friends and have many similar interests. Kurt finds himself questioning if he should bring up certain topics or jokes depending on Dans mood. Dan can be very unpredictable. What component is this friendship missing?
Instability
Eddie confronts Myles about Myles stealing his homework out of his bag to copy. Myles response is that he only took his homework because he is so smart, and he wishes he was more like him. What type of response is this?
Distraction
What does it mean for a friendship to be accepting?
An accepting friendship is where you appreciate your friend-their personality, their likes, and dislikes. Neither friend is trying to change the other.
What are the three common UNHEALTHY reactions to when someone confronts or tries to set boundaries
Invalidation, Distraction, Blame
Leon and Kyrie get in a huge fight at lunch time. Leon throws Kyrie's tray to the ground and storms away. When Kyrie confronts Leon about his aggressive behavior the next day, Leon states that Kyrie shouldn't have made him angry, and it is his fault. What type of reaction is this?
Blame
What are the four components of a healthy friendship?
Accepting, Boundaries, Stable, Balanced
When you confront your friend about your hurt feelings, what are the 3 things they must do in order for you to move on and strengthen the relationship?
Acknowledge their behavior
Apologize
Change their behavior
Colleen is a new girl at school. She quickly became friends with another girl in class named Sarah. Sarah loves art and drawing. Colleen now finds herself trying to draw more and liking what Sarah likes just so Sarah will stay friends with her. What component is this friendship lacking?
Acceptance