Roadblock to Communication
Our own thoughts and ideas are usually very clear to us. As a result, we sometimes don’t explain things well or we use words or slang that others may not understand.
What is: assuming people know what we are talking about?
Tangible and intangible items that make you feel appreciated or noticed.
What are Gifts?
This person tries to keep everyone happy and the family in balance, avoiding the issue. They make excuses for all behaviors and actions, and never mention addiction recovery or getting help
Who is The Enabler/Caretaker?
This means that both people in the relationship are working together. There is equal give and take in the relationship.
What is reciprocity?
When a parent has trouble accepting and responding sensitively to their child’s needs,. they learn that their best bet is to shut down their feelings and become self-reliant.
What is avoidant/insecure attachment?
“She should have known I was upset” or “If he really cared he would have known I was feeling blue.” The truth is—no one is a mind reader.
What is: we assume people know what we are feeling.
Doing something helpful or kind for your partner. Examples include: taking out the garbage, running errands, or doing something without being asked.
What is Acts of Service?
This person tends to be the “star” of the family, and — in an unconscious attempt to reduce the destructive force of addiction — achieve high levels of success and accomplishment. They are usually hard working overachievers who use perfectionism to promote a feeling of normalcy in a dysfunctional environment.
Who is the Hero?
This is usually done in a variety of ways from asking how someone is doing (and not just in the small-talk-passing-on-the-street kind of way), inviting them to do things, and asking deeper questions about how they experienced something rather than just what they did.
What is Taking Interest?
Parents show atypical behavior: They reject, ridicule, and frighten their child. Parents who display these behaviors often have a past that includes unresolved trauma.
What is disorganized-insecure attachment?
The biggest communication roadblock of all. This leads to misunderstanding and confusion. No one likes to be cut off in mid-sentence.
What is listening?
These are verbal expressions of care, such as, "thank you for all your help today".
What are Words of Affirmation?
This person often gets blamed for the family’s problems, because they act out with negative behavior to shift attention away from the addicted family member.
Who is the Scapegoat?
This means taking what we have come to know about the other person and continuing to treat them with care, regardless of their weaknesses/faults. This is otherwise known as unconditional love.
What are Acceptance & Respect?
This type of attachment happens when parents respond to their child’s needs sporadically. Care and protection are sometimes there and the lack of predictability means that the child eventually becomes needy, angry, and distrustful. .
What is anxious-insecure attachment?
When we don’t care for another person’s thoughts, ideas, or opinions we sometimes respond with anger or sarcasm.
What is: overreacting to what other people say?
What is Quality Time?
This person provides comic relief to diffuse the tension and pain caused by the presence of addiction and offsets the family conflict by creating a sense that things are okay.
Who is the Mascot/Joker?
Research shows that relationships are the most satisfying when the ratio of [blank] to negative interactions are higher.
What is Positive Interactions?
These two individuals developed the "Attachment Theory".
Who are John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth?
This is often the case when we feel pulled in two directions and we struggle to set firm limits with others.
What is: not always clear about saying “no"?
Holding hands, back scratch, hugging or kissing are examples of this type of love language.
What is Physical Touch?
This person is careful not to draw attention or cause trouble, is passive, and stays hidden to avoid being a problem. They check out emotionally from the family drama, avoid any conversation about substances or the family roles in addiction, and spend most of their time hiding away with solitary activities.
Who is the Lost Child?
The most basic and effective way to connect with another individual. It requires paying attention not just to the narrative, but how it’s told, the usage of voice and language, and the way the other individual uses their entire body.
With this attachment style, parents let their children go out and about but are there for them when they come back for security and comfort. Children who develop this attachment style learn how to trust and have healthy self-esteem.
What is Secure Attachment?