HOLIDAY HITS… BADLY DESCRIBED
A snowman becomes sentient, escapes, and leads children on a short-lived winter parade.
What is “Frosty the Snowman”?
A human-sized man raised by elves desperately needs therapy.
What is Elf?
Every year we drag this 50-pound object into the living room and cover it with lights.
What is a Christmas tree?
This planet, despite being farther from the Sun than Mercury, is hotter due to its runaway greenhouse atmosphere.
What is Venus?
These minty striped treats are better used as decorations or weapons.
What are candy canes?
A woman wants exactly one person for Christmas, and she will not shut up about it.
What is “All I Want for Christmas Is You”?
A green man hates noise and eventually steals… everything.
What is How the Grinch Stole Christmas?
Kids leave this combination of baked goods and beverages out for a magical man who never cleans up.
What are cookies and milk?
This country has the shortest national anthem — averaging only eight bars long
What is Japan?
You drink this spiced egg mixture once a year and immediately regret it.
What is eggnog?
We chant repeatedly for a jolly man as if he’s a pop star arriving onstage.
What is “Here Comes Santa Claus”?
A kid commits multiple felonies but it’s fine because they’re funny.
What is Home Alone?
This “fun” winter activity involves wearing metal blades and hoping for the best.
What is ice skating?
This common kitchen ingredient was once so valuable that ancient Romans used it as currency.
What is salt?
This dense bread-cake hybrid could double as a doorstop.
What is fruitcake?
Two people argue about the temperature while flirting aggressively.
What is “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”?
Time travel, a ghost crew, and December-induced moral improvement.
What is A Christmas Carol?
We hang this spiky plant in doorways and pretend it’s normal to kiss under it.
What is mistletoe?
This everyday object was originally invented in 1903 to help secure pages in a law office, not to attach them together.
What is the paper clip?
This “beloved” dish involves mixing marshmallows with vegetables for reasons unknown.
What is sweet potato casserole?
A man sees his mother committing romantic treason under a house plant.
What is “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”?
A depressed man meets an angel who gives him an existential crisis for Christmas.
What is It’s a Wonderful Life?
This tradition involves hanging giant fuzzy socks on the wall because… why not?
What are stockings?
This animal can’t move its eyes, so it rotates its entire head — up to 270 degrees — to look around.
What is an owl?
This gelatinous cylinder slides out of a can intact and is somehow socially acceptable to serve.
What is canned cranberry sauce?