What does a leader do?
Instead of:
“You’re doing it wrong! Do it this way!”
A BEST LEADER might say:
…
“Do you want me to show you how to do it?”
Your friend says:
“No, I don’t want to play that.”
What do you do?
A. “YES YOU DO!”
B. “Fine! Nobody ever wants to play with me!”
C. “Okay! What do you want to play?”
D. Tell them they’re being mean.
C
You are making funny faces at someone.
They say:
“Stop.”
What do you do?
STOP
Your friend wants to draw cats.
You want to draw dogs.
What could you do?
Draw both!
You’re making jokes.
Everyone is laughing.
Is this probably okay?
Yes, if everybody is enjoying it.
Instead of:
“THIS is what we are playing, MY game!”
A BEST LEADER might say:
…
“What do you want to play? Maybe we can combine our ideas?”
You ask:
“Can I use that?”
They say:
“No, I’m using it.”
Best response?
“Ok, I’ll wait until you are finished.”
You’re putting your pencil in front of someone’s computer.
They say:
“Please stop.”
What do you do?
Move the pencil away immediately
Your friend changes the rules of the game.
You don’t like the new rules.
What can you say?
“I don’t really like that rule. Can we figure out one we both like?”
**It’s ok to have preferences!You’re making jokes.
One person stops laughing and looks uncomfortable.
What might that mean?
They may not be enjoying it anymore, we should probably stop.
Instead of:
“Give me that! It’s my turn!”
A BEST LEADER might say:
…
“Can I have a turn when you’re finished?”
You want everyone to play princesses. Your friends want to play tag.
What does a leader do?
“ how about we play tag first and then princesses afterward?”
You’re giving someone a giant hug.
They say:
“Ouch that hurts. I don’t want a hug.”
What does a leader do?
Let go immediately and say, okay!
Your friend chooses the game three times in a row.
What could you do?
Continue to let them choose.
demonstrates flexibility AND kindness!
Someone moves away from you after you’ve been bothering them.
What might their body be telling you?
I need some space.
Instead of:
“You are the baby, I’m the mom, and this is how we will play!”
A BEST LEADER might say:
…
“What character do you want to be?”
You ask someone to play. They say no again.
What should you do?
Accept the answer and find something else to do or find another friend to play with.
This is important because “no” isn’t a negotiation.
Someone says:
“I don’t like when you do that.”
You think it’s funny.
Does that change anything?
NOPE! If someone doesn’t like it, you stop—even if YOU think it’s funny.
You REALLY want to win.
But the game isn’t going your way.
What does a flexible friend do?
Keep playing with a good attitude (no whining or being mean), OR take a break if you’re too frustrated.
Someone keeps saying:
“Please stop.”
but you’re thinking:
“But it’s funny!”
What matters more?
Their BOUNDARY.
Not whether you think it is funny.
Instead of:
“No! You’re not playing it right!”
A BEST LEADER might say:
…
“Do you want to hear my idea, or should we play the way you want to?”
Someone says:
“I don’t want to play with you right now.”
What’s the BEST leader response?
“Okay. Maybe I’ll play with someone else.”
NOTE:Feeling: “That might hurt my feelings.”
Behavior: “I can still respect their choice.”
Why is stopping when someone says stop important?
Possible answer:
Because everyone gets to have boundaries about their body, belongings, space, and attention. A leader respects boundaries.
You planned exactly how you wanted a game to go.
Then everyone changes the plan.
Your brain says:
“NOOOOOOO!”
What’s your Leader Superpower?
FLEXIBILITY!!!
*does flexibility superpower pose*
You’re trying to join a group of kids who are already playing.
Instead of telling them how to play, what could you do?
Watch first, ask what they’re playing, and ask if you can join.