THREE states of mind
your sister borrows your new hoodie without asking and in response your throw you entire bowl of soup at him
What is EMOTION MIND??
What you do when you have decided that maintain the relationship is more important than getting what you want, or your self respect.
What is using the GIVE skill
I have to know whether a person is going to say yes before I make a request
What is a MYTH of objective effectiveness?
How I want to feel about myself after the interaction is over
What is the GIVE skill?
You decide to break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend because its never going to work out because they like cats and you hate cats
what is reasonable mind
Listening, nodding, paying attention, maintaining eye contact, asking clarifying questions, not interrupting when the other person is speaking
What is (acting) INTERESTED in the GIVE skill?
What you do when you decide that your priority is getting what you want/ getting your needs met in a situation
WHAT IS DEAR MAN!!!!
When I have decided that my priority is keeping my self respect, honoring my values and acting in a way that makes me feel moral
what is the FAST skill?
Why did we do the mindfulness exercise where we each said one word and made a story? Plus +500 points if you can recite the story (about the cat)
Mindfulness exercise to help us notice how we actively listen
Tell us why it is important to notice the three states of mind
Knowing what we feel = more control = know how to change it
What is being GENTLE ?
What is your example?
I stood up straight and looked at my friend in the eyes. I squared my shoulders and I did no hide. I took a deep breath and noticed I felt nervous and a little bit sad. While we were talking, I offered some compromises to our disagreement.
WHAT IS THE MAN in DEAR MAN?
I refused to apologize for not being able to help my friend dye her hair this weekend
What is NO APOLOGIES ?
Role Play a DEAR MAN. Pick one team member to help you
Did you do it?
Grounded by logic and reason, but in touch with my emotions and knowing how I feel
What is WISE MIND?
"I see that this is really really hard for you"
"It makes sense that you were mad at me"
"I hear that you feel really hurt by my actions"
"It would make sense that you would feel extra hurt because this has happened to you in the past"
What is VALIDATION!!!!! in the GIVE skill
what the A and R stand for in DEAR MAN and example
A - Assert. Asserting yourself by asking specifically for what you want, or saying NO clearly.
R - Reinforce (reward) the person ahead of time by explaining the positive effects of getting what you want or need. Clarify the negative consequences
Honesty, trust, loyalty, communication, kindness, respect
What are values?
When you ask yourself "how do I want the OTHER person to feel about me after our interaction" tell us what skill you are thinking of using?
What is the GIVE skill?
What is Mindfulness
Tell us an example of how someone used some of the GIVE skill with you and how it made you feel
:)
what the D and E stand for in DEAR MAN and an example
Describing the situation. ONLY FACTS. Describe to the person exactly what you are reacting to
Expressing how I feel about the situation
Don't assume the other person knows how I feel
Using "I FEEL statements" when YOU......
F - be Fair
A - No Apologies
S - Stick to Values
T- Be Truthful
What helps us to decide what skill to use?
What are priorities?
What are values?