I Feel Statements
Your significant other keeps comparing you to someone else. They keep saying,
“why can’t you be more like him/her?”
I feel upset/sad/angry when you are comparing me to him/her because it makes me feel like I am not good enough. What I need is for you to value me for who I am.
an intense emotional response to a perceived threat, injustice, frustration, or wrongdoing. It is a natural and instinctive reaction that can range from mild irritation to intense fury or rage
What is anger?
She surprised him with his favorite snack and a handwritten note after a long day.
What is gifts?
'If I don’t succeed at this project, I’m a complete failure."
What is all or nothing thinking?
A person forces you to sign financial documents or take out loans without your knowledge or consent.
Withholding money for basic needs like food, clothing, or medical care to control or punish you.
What is financial abuse?
Your boss always makes you work extra hours on the weekend.
I feel overwhelmed and stressed when I'm asked to work extra hours on the weekend, as it affects my work-life balance.
feeling deep satisfaction, pleasure, or confidence in yourself, someone else, or something you are connected to—often because of an achievement, quality, or identity.
What is proud?
Would you like to spend the evening together, just the two of us—maybe cook dinner and really catch up without any distractions?
What is quality time?
Yeah, I got a compliment on my presentation, but they were probably just being polite."
What is discounting the positive?
A partner discourages or forbids you from seeing friends or family, cutting off your support network.
What is isolation?
You’ve been unable to do chores around the house due to other obligations. Your significant other is off of work and does not help pitch in when they are able to.
I feel overwhelmed and frustrated when I’m unable to keep up with the chores, and I’d really appreciate it if you could help out when you’re free.
being uncertain, unsafe, or unstable—whether it’s about how you feel, where you live, or how protected something is
What is insecure?
Can I hold you for a while—you’ve had a long day, and I just want to be close to you?
What is physical touch?
"If this relationship ends, I’ll never be happy again."
What is catastrophizing?
A boss threatens to fire an employee if they don’t work overtime without pay.
What is coercion?
You decided to share your biggest secret to your significant other. But, they told your secret to people you do not like.
I feel betrayed when my secret was shared with people I don’t trust, especially after I confided in you
To be exposed to the possibility of harm, but it is also often where growth, connection, and courage begin—especially in emotional or interpersonal contexts.
What is Vulnerable?
Do you know how proud I am of you and how much I believe in everything you're doing?
What is words of affirmation?
"That person didn’t smile at me; nobody likes me."
What is overgeneralizing?
“This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been so careless.”
What is minimizing, denying and blaming?