Worksheet
How many parts are there to "I" statements?
4 parts!
What does "I" statements focus on?
True or False : "I" statements can still sound blaming if misued.
True!
Heated remark: "Shut up! You never listen to me so I don't have to listen to you"
If we are translating the heated remark into an "I" statement, what would part 1 look like?
Ex: I feel ignored, I feel angry, I feel frustrated, etc....
Your friend cancels plans last minute. You were really looking forward to see this friend since it has been weeks since you last saw them.
Ex: " I feel sad when plans get canceled last minute because I was looking forward to seeing you. I would like to more notice next time"
What is the first part of an "I" statement?
"I feel ........."
How should we NOT express our feelings?
in an attack, criticizing, or blaming others
True or False: "I feel like you're being selfish" is an "I" statement.
False!
Heated remark: "Shut up! You never listen to me so I don't have to listen to you"
If we are translating the heated remark into an "I" statement, what would part 2 look like?
Ex: "I feel ignored (Part 1) .. when you don't give me the opportunity to share my feelings (Part 2)
Your friends are pushing you to do something you are uncomfortable doing.
Ex: "I feel uncomfortable when I'm pressured to do that, because it's not something I want to do. I would like for you to respect my decision"
What is the 2nd part of "I" statements?
"When you say/do _________"
What does "I" statements help you with?
express concerns, feelings, & needs in a way that is easier to hear and understand
True or False: Using "I" statements will guarantee that the listener will not feel defensive.
False!
Reminder: "I" statements less likely to provoke defensiveness but don't guarantee it
Heated remark: "You never care about my feelings and never make time for me"
Translate the heated remark into an "I" statement.
Ex: " I feel hurt when my feelings aren't acknowledged, because it makes me feel dismissed. I would like for you to listen and respond when I share how I'm feeling"
You are having a rough day and are feeling really tired but adults keep asking you to do things that it is starting to get overwhelming.
What are the 3rd and 4th parts of "I" statements?
"Because _______" & "I would prefer that______"
What does "I" statements NOT focus on?
your perspective of what the other person has done or failed to do
True or False: This is an "I" statement "I feel angry when you grab my stuff without asking because it's my property. Next time, buy your own and don't use mine."
False!
*Bonus 100 points if you can share why it is false and fix it to be an "I" statment*
Heated Remark: "You don't understand me at all!"
Translate the heated remark into an "I" Statement.
Ex: "I feel misunderstood when my perspective isn't heard, because what I'm going through matters to me. I would like for you to listen without interrupting"
Your parent/guardian compares you to your sibling/cousin.
Ex: "I feel discouraged when I am compared to my sibling/cousing, becaue it makes me feel like I am not enough. I would like to be recognized for my own efforts"
What are you stating during each part of an "I" statement?
*Must give full correct answer for points*
1. feeling
2. behavior
3. how it affects you
4. how you want things to be different
By using "I" statements, what are we less likely to provoke? and what do those 2 things tend to do?
defensiveness and hostility, which tends to escalate conflicts or cause the other person to shut down
True or False: We should always use "I" statements, specifically in high conflict.
Neither! The answer.....it depends.
To get points, share why it would/would not be beneficial.
To get bonus 200 points, share what would be beneficial in high conflict.
Translate the following "I" statement into a heated remark:
"I feel hurt when I'm assumed to be doing something wrong, because I want to be trusted and value our relationship. I would like for you to ask me first before making conclusions"
Example of heated remark:
"Why do you always assume the worst about me?"
"I am always the problem, everybody is right and I am always wrong"
You are trying to share with someone close to you (friend, family, trusted adult, etc..) and they respond with "Stop being so dramatic" or "Just get over it"
Ex: "I feel hurt when my feelings are dismissed, because what I’m experiencing feels real to me. I would like for you to take it seriously and listen"