Understanding IE
What skill do you use for object effectiveness?
(DEAR MAN)
What skill is used for relationship effectiveness?
GIVE
100 What does walking the middle path mean?
1)dialectics of balancing acceptance and change; (2) validation or working on acceptance; and 3) behavior change strategies or working on change by managing cues and consequences
What are the two types of ineffective relationships?
Destructive and interfering
Your mindfully eating pizza. Observe and describe your experience.
open ended using 5 senses
sight, smell, taste, hearing, touch
Identify three factors that get in the way of using your IE skill?
You don't know what you want; your emotions are getting in the way; you forget your long-term goals for short-term goals; other people are getting in your way; your thoughts and beliefs are getting in the way
Identify the six levels of validation
pay attention, reflect back, “read minds”, understand, acknowledge the valid, show equality
Dialectics: What are the four things dialectics reminds us of?
The universe is filled with opposing sides/opposing forces/
Everything and every person is connected in some way.
Change is the only constant.
Change is transactional.
Identify four ways invalidation is painful?
being ignored; being repeatedly misunderstood; being misread; being misinterpreted; important facts in your life are ignored or denied; you are receiving unequal treatment; being disbelieves when being truthful; private experiences are trivialized or denied
200 Pick a level of validation and model to the group how you use this level of validation.
open ended.
What are the three clarifying goals in an interposal situation?
object effectiveness, relationship effectiveness, self-respect effectiveness
What does validation mean and why do we validate?
What does validation mean-
finding the kernel of truth in another person’s perspective or situation; verifying facts of the situation; acknowledging the person’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors have causes and are therefore understandable, not necessarily agreeing with the other person, not validating what is actually valid
why do we validate-
it improves our relationships by showing we are listening and understand; it reduces pressure to prove who is right, negative reactivity, and anger; it make problem solving, closeness, and support possible; invalidation hurts
300 Identify the four steps for how the think dialectically?
1.There is always more than one side to anything that exists. Look for both sides 2. Be aware that you are connected; 3. Embrace change; 4. Change is transactional: Remember that you affect your environment and your environment affects you
Name 3 things you can do to recover from invalidation
Check all the facts to see if your responses are valid or invalid.
Check them out with someone you can trust to validate the valid.
Acknowledge when your responses don’t make sense and are not valid.
Work to change invalid thinking, comments, or actions. (Also, stop blaming. It rarely helps a situation.)
Drop judgmental self-statements. (Practice opposite action.)
Remind yourself that all behavior is caused and that you are doing your best.
Be compassionate toward yourself. Practice self-soothing.
Admit that it hurts to be invalidated by others, even if they are right.
Acknowledge when your reactions make sense and are valid in a situation.
Remember that being invalidated, even when your response is actually valid, is rarely a complete catastrophe.
Describe your experiences and actions in a supportive environment.
Grieve traumatic invalidation and the harm it created.
Practice radical acceptance of the invalidating person.
Lead a mindfulness exercise
max 5 minutes open ended
Name the three goals of interpersonal effectiveness
be skillful in getting what you want and need from others, build relationship and end destructive ones, walk the middle path)
Explain level four validation?
Understand: look for how the other person feels, is thinking, or if he or she is making sense, given the person’s history, state of mind or body, or current events (i.e. causes) even if you don’t approve of the person’s behavior or if his or her belief is incorrect
Explain the difference between doing mind, being mind, and wise mind?
Doing mind view your thoughts as facts about the world. You are focused on problem solve and achieving goals;
Wise mind - use skillful means; let go of having to achieve goals and throw entire self into working toward these same goals; enhance awareness while engine in activities);
Being mind - you view your thoughts as sensations of the mind; you are focused on the uniqueness of each moment, letting go on goals
Name the IE block using the following example.
Sarah: "I've been feeling really stressed lately with work and other commitments.”
Jill "Oh, come on, it's not that bad. You just need to relax and stop overthinking things”
Discounting
Write and do a dear man?
open ended
Identify the 10 factors to consider when ask for something or saying no.
capability, priorities, self-respect, rights, authority, relationship, long-term vs. short-term goals, give and take, homework, timing
Provide an example of level six validation
be willing to admit mistakes. If someone introduce him or herself by first name, introduce yourself by your first name. Ask other people for opinions. Give up being defensive. Be careful in giving advice or telling someone what to do if you are not asked or required to do so
Give five examples of dialectics?
16a and 16b
Name the IE block and the remedy for the IE block using the example below:
Emily and Mike are discussing a disagreement they had about household chores. Emily expresses her frustration that Mike hasn't been helping with the cleaning as agreed upon. Instead of addressing the issue, Mike responds, "Well, you never appreciate anything I do around here. You're always finding something to complain about. It's like nothing I do is ever good enough for you."
A)Derailing
B)Recognize avoidance behavior and call it out “I’m having the urge to derail this convo because it's shameful, but I know I need to have this discussion”
-Take direct accountability for shortcomings.
-Understand that derailing only makes it so the problem circulates back around.
Identify the priorities for the following example and rate the priorities:
Situation: Diego’s landlord keeps his damage deposit unfairly.
Objective: get the damage deposit back (most important)
Relationship: Keep the landlords good will and liking or at least keep good reference (second most important)
Self-respect Not lose self-respect by getting too emotional, "fighting dirty" threatening