Relationship Based Immediacy
Relationship-based immediacy focuses on the relationship between which two people?
The worker and the young person.
Does event-based immediacy focus on a specific moment between the worker and youth, or the youth’s entire life history?
A specific moment between the worker and youth.
“How do you feel about working with me?”
Relationship-based immediacy because it checks in on their overall working relationship.
You have been supporting a young person for a month. You want to know how they feel about working with you. What could you ask?
“What has it been like working with me so far?”
Relationship-based immediacy.
Which question demonstrates relationship-based immediacy?
A. “How was school today?”
B. “How comfortable do you feel talking with me?”
B, because it asks how the young person experiences their relationship with the worker.
A worker interrupts a young person, who then stops talking. What specific event could the worker address using immediacy?
The interruption and how it affected the young person in that moment.
“I noticed you moved away after I sat beside you. Are you comfortable with where I’m sitting?”
Event-based immediacy because it addresses a specific interaction happening now.
You make a joke, and the young person stops smiling and looks away. What could you say?
“I noticed you looked away after my joke. I’m wondering how it came across to you.”
Event-based immediacy.
A worker asks, “Do you feel that I listen to your ideas when we make plans together?” What are they inviting the young person to give?
Honest feedback about their working relationship.
Which response uses event-based immediacy?
A. “You always get quiet when something bothers you.”
B. “You became quiet after my comment. How did what I said land with you?”
B, because it explores the young person’s response to a specific interaction with the worker.
“We’ve been meeting for a few weeks. Do you feel you can disagree with me when you have a different opinion?”
Relationship-based immediacy because it explores openness and comfort within their ongoing relationship.
A young person tells you, “I feel like you make all the decisions when we meet.” How could you respond?
“I appreciate you telling me. What has it been like having me take the lead, and how could we make decisions together?”
Relationship-based immediacy.
How could you change “Do you trust adults?” into a relationship-based immediacy question?
“How easy or difficult is it for you to trust me?”
A young person laughs after the worker makes a comment. Why should the worker ask about their reaction instead of saying, “You thought that was funny”?
Laughter can mean different things. Asking gives the young person a chance to explain instead of having the worker assume.
“I just checked the clock while you were speaking, and you stopped mid-sentence. How did that feel?”
Event-based immediacy because it addresses the impact of something the worker just did.
While a young person is talking, you glance at your phone. They say, “Never mind. You’re not listening anyway.” How could you take responsibility and use immediacy?
“I looked at my phone while you were talking, and I’m sorry. I’ve put it away. Can we talk about how that moment felt for you?”
Event-based immediacy.
A young person says, “I don’t feel like you listen to me.” How could the worker respond using relationship-based immediacy?
“Thank you for telling me. Can we talk about what I do that leaves you feeling unheard and what you need from me?”
A worker says, “You seem upset about your argument with your friend.” Is this event-based immediacy? Explain.
Not by itself. It explores an outside event rather than what is happening between the worker and youth. An immediacy question might be, “How is it feeling to talk with me about this right now?”
What type of immediacy is shown in each question?
“How did it feel when I interrupted you just now?”
“Do you often feel that I don’t give you enough space to speak in our meetings?”
1. Event-based because it focuses on a specific interruption.
2. Relationship-based because it explores a pattern in their working relationship.
A young person disagrees with you for the first time and says, “I usually just agree because I worry you’ll be mad.” Give one event-based response and one relationship-based response.
Event-based: “What is it like telling me you disagree right now?”
Relationship-based: “Can we talk about what happens between us that makes it difficult to disagree with me?”