Goals & Priorities
"Interpersonal Effectiveness" skills support us in these types of goals.
What are relationship goals?
The "D" in DEARMAN stands for this word, in which we stick to the facts.
What is "Describe?"
Name 1 example of how someone can use an "easy manner"
What is:
-Smile
-Use humor
-Use relaxed body language
-"Leave attitude at the door"
Name the two parties that we have to be fair to when we use this skill.
What are:
1) Ourselves
2) The other person/people
You notice the thought, "If I ask for this, they will think I am stupid." Which state of mind are you most likely in?
What is Emotion Mind?
If our aim is to ask for something, say no, or set ourselves up for success in getting somebody to do what we want, we would use this skill.
What is DEARMAN?
The "DEAR" in DEARMAN is what we are asking for, but the "MAN" is this.
What is how we ask?
The "G" in GIVE stands for this
What is "Be Gentle?"
The "A" in FAST stands for this
What is: No Apologies (Not over/under apologizing)
Provide a challenge for this myth/worry thought:
"If I make a request or ask for help, I will look weak."
What is: "It takes a strong person to ask for help from someone else"
If our priority in an interaction is to keep or maintain a positive, healthy relationship, we would use this skill.
What is GIVE?
Name 1 strategy we can use while using DEARMAN and staying Mindful of our ultimate goal?
What is:
1) Being a "broken record"
AND/OR
2) Ignoring attacks
TRUE OR FALSE: Before we can validate someone, we must first be personally interested in what they are saying.
What is FALSE?
While it's important that we Act Interested, that sometimes means paying attention to what they're saying even when we may not usually be interested on a personal level.
Give an example of a value of yours that you might stick to if you are using the FAST skill.
What is:
Being part of a group, being responsible, learning, having fun, being healthy, building character, etc...
You notice the thought, "I can handle it if I don't get what I am asking for." Which state of mind are you most likely in?
What is Wise Mind?
If our primary goal in a relationship interaction is to maintain our self-respect/feel good about ourselves afterwards, we would use this skill.
What is FAST?
The letters in DEARMAN stand for these words.
What isi:
-Describe
-Express
-Assert
-Reinforce
-Mindful
-Appear Confident
-Negotiate
True or False: "Validation" and "Problem Solving" are synonyms.
What is FALSE?
Validation and Problem Solving are different approaches. We can validate before we ask someone if they want our help with problem solving.
Name 1 way that we can practice Being Truthful when using the FAST skill
What is:
1) Don't lie
2) Don't act helpless when you're not
3) Don't make up excuses/exaggerate
Name 3 (out of 6) factors to consider when you are planning on asking for something or saying no.
What is:
1) Priorities
2) Capability
3) Timeliness
4) Preparation
5) Relationship
6) Give & Take
Name 3 (out of 5) potential factors that can potentially get in the way of achieving goals in interpersonal effectiveness.
What are:
1) Lack of skills/knowledge
2) Worry thoughts
3) Emotions
4) Can't decide priorities
5) Environment
Give an example of a full DEAR script.
Points given if you were able to:
1) Describe (sticking to facts)
2) Express (with "I feel")
3) Assert (your ask)
4) Reinforce (what's in it for them?)
Your friend expresses they are feeling stressed about not having enough money for fun activities with friends, and tells you that, "the only option I have is to steal cash from the school office." Give an example of how you could validate the valid (without validating the invalid).
What is: "I can hear how stressed you are about this right now, and that stealing feels like the only option for you."
Hint: We can validate the feeling without validating the behavior.
Give an example for what it might sounds like to over apologize or under apologize for something.
What is:
An example where the intensity of the apologize itself doesn't fit the situation (such as saying "sorry" for asking a question in class)
True or False: If I complete a DEARMAN and don't receive what I was asking for, that definitely means I was not being skillful enough in my approach.
What is FALSE?
Hint: While we can always practice/troubleshoot/improve our skills, the people were are using skills with may not respond skillfully (and that does not mean we are not being skillful!)