Active Listening
What is the definition of active listening?
Active listening is giving your full attention to the speaker with the goal of comprehending the ideas being said.
What is the definition of assertive responses?
Assertive responses are ways in which we communicate with others that sets boundaries, practices honesty, and are fair.
What is the definition of destructive relationships?
Destructive relationships are ones that are toxic. They lack boundaries, trust, communication, respect, and often end up hurting everyone involved.
What is the definition of self-validation?
Self-validation is the practice of accepting your emotions and thoughts without needing external approval.
True or False: You can tell someone is listening based on their body language.
True. Your body language can express your active listening through eye contact, nodding, etc.
True or False: People who have passive responses don’t know what they want or need.
False. Just because an answer is passive doesn’t mean the person does not know what they actually want or need; they may just not be communicating fully.
True or False: A destructive relationship can only happen to people who are married.
False. A destructive relationship can happen to anyone. Friends, siblings, married couples, dating couples, peers, etc.
True or False: “Everyone aways treats me unfairly” is an example of both/and thinking.
False. This is an example of either/or. Either/or is a rigid way of thinking that focuses on extreme ways of thinking, does not look at multiple sides, and only seeks one answer.
Repeating what someone said to you is a _______ example of ______ listening.
positive/good, active
“I don’t know, I guess” is an example of a _____ response. “Do it or else” is an example of a ______ response.
passive, aggressive.
One way you can build a relationship is by ___________. You can accomplish this by practicing _________.
There are many answers, some examples: growing trust; communication, active listening; positive body language, assertive responses; clear boundaries.
_______ thinking helps us see both multiple sides of situation, supports empathy, and is flexible.
both/and
Why might someone say you do not do a good job of active listening if you are always quick to argue?
Listening to understand and listening to respond are different. If someone always responds with an argument, they might need to work on their active listening skills to try to understand others' opinions.
Why might someone not want to be around someone with passive responses?
Passive responses lack clear communication, strong boundaries, and may result in conflict or confusion.
Why does building a healthy relationship take work?
Building a healthy relationship takes work because you have to put in effort. Building trust, active listening, boundary setting, communication, etc. are all skills that take time to learn, and it isn’t always easy to develop these skills.
Why might ‘I statements’ feel difficult to use in the heat of the moment?
I statements can feel difficult to use in the heat of the moment because they require you to focus on your feelings/views instead of the other person/their actions. You can try to take a break to think before talking to someone about something difficult to give yourself time to think about your feelings and views.
Mandy and Tara are sisters. Mandy notices that Tara is constantly interrupting her, fidgeting with her rings, and often needs things repeated to her multiple times. How can Mandy explain the importance of active listening to Tara?
Mandy can explain why body language/active listening is important by being honest and communicating her needs. Mandy can either tell Tara what she needs from her to feel heard or take a break if she feels like it is too much to approach.
Diego and Kris are peers who are making a model rocket together. Diego wants their rocket to be perfect and tells Kris they need to stay up all night to add extra detail to their project. Kris wants Diego to be happy and knows the rocket is important to him, but does not want to stay up all night decorating. How can Kris tell Diego is an assertive way that he has a boundary about his time?
Kris can say something like, “I know the project is important to you but I can’t sacrifice my rest time. I can work on the detail at a later time, but I hope you can respect my boundary.”
Ben and Dianne have had their ups and downs as a couple. Ben has had very passive responses, but practices active listening well. Dianne has set clear boundaries but has had trouble communicating her thoughts and needs. What should these two work on to build their relationship? How can they avoid a destructive relationship?
Open response...
Elise and Joey are siblings. They are having a disagreement on who gets to use the family car tonight. Elise listens to Joey’s reasonings and repeats his answers back to him, asking clarifying questions to make sure she understands his perspective. Joey thinks Elise is mocking him by repeating his points and asking so many questions and gets more upset. If you were Elise, how would you explain the benefits of clarifying questions to Joey?
Elise can show empathy on why answering questions may feel tedious but can also demonstrate that asking questions to make sure her understanding is solid can help her to better comprehend Joey’s feelings and wants, which can then help her to problem solve more effectively.