💬 CATEGORY 1 — IE BASICS
What does Interpersonal Effectiveness help us improve?
Communication and relationships with other people.
What are the THREE main goals of Interpersonal Effectiveness?
🤝 Maintain the relationship
🎯 Get your objective/ask for what you need
👑 Maintain self-respect
What does the G in GIVE stand for?
Gentle.
What does it mean to validate someone?
Acknowledge their feelings, thoughts, or experience and communicate that you understand where they're coming from.
Someone is speaking to you, but you're scrolling on your phone and barely responding.
Which GIVE skill are you probably NOT using?
Interested. 👂
Name TWO things you CAN control during a conversation.
Your words, tone, choices, boundaries, listening, behavior, whether you use skills, or how you respond.
You're having a misunderstanding with your best friend and your biggest concern is repairing the friendship.
Which goal are you prioritizing?
The relationship. 🤝
What does the I stand for?
Interested.
True or False
Validating someone means you agree with them.
FALSE. 🚨
Which response is more Gentle?
A: “Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about.”
B: “I don't agree with that, but I'll explain why.”
B.
True or False:
Being effective means the other person will always give you what you want.
False
You need to ask your teacher if you can make up an assignment.
Which goal are you mainly focused on?
Your objective. 🎯 - the goal - make up an assignment
What does the V stand for?
Validate.
Validating or Invalidating?
“You're doing too much. It's not even that serious.”
Invalidating.
Your friend asks you to do something you aren't comfortable doing.
True or False:
You have the right to say no even if your friend becomes disappointed.
True
Name TWO things you CANNOT control during an interaction.
The other person's feelings, choices, response, whether they agree, whether they apologize, whether they change, or the exact outcome.
Your friends are pressuring you to do something against your values. You want to stand your ground even if they're annoyed.
Which goal may be most important?
Self-respect. 👑
What does the E stand for?
Easy Manner.
Your friend failed a test and says:
“I'm so disappointed. I actually studied this time.”
Give a validating response.
“That makes sense. You worked hard and were hoping for a different grade.”
“I can understand why you're disappointed.”
Your sibling says:
“You embarrassed me when you told everybody that.”
Your immediate thought is:
“OMG, it wasn't even that serious!”
Instead of saying that, use validation + GIVE to respond.
“I didn't realize it embarrassed you. I understand why you're upset. Tell me what bothered you about it.”
Accept other responses that are respectful, interested, and validating.
Explain how Emotion Regulation and Interpersonal Effectiveness can work together during an argument.
Emotion Regulation helps you recognize/manage what you're feeling; Interpersonal Effectiveness helps you decide how to communicate those feelings effectively.
True or False:
Only ONE Interpersonal Effectiveness goal can matter during a conversation.
Explain
False. Multiple goals can matter at the same time, although one may need more attention depending on the situation.
Your friend says:
“Every time I talk to you, you're on your phone. I feel like you don't listen to me.”
Show how you could use ALL FOUR parts of GIVE when responding.
G: Respond without attacking.
I: Put the phone down and listen.
V: “I understand why that made you feel ignored.”
E: Keep your tone relaxed/warm while talking.
Someone gets angry after being told no and starts yelling.
Can you validate their emotion without validating their behavior? Explain.
Yes. You could acknowledge that they're disappointed or angry without saying yelling/disrespectful behavior is okay.
Example:
“I understand that you're upset you were told no, but yelling isn't okay.”
Your friend is upset because you haven't been talking to them as much.
You feel accused and immediately become angry.
Before responding, name:
1. One Emotion Regulation step you could take.
2. One thing you CAN control.
3. Which IE goal might matter.
4. TWO GIVE skills you could demonstrate.
Recognize/regulate anger → control your tone/response → prioritize the relationship → be Gentle and Interested/Validate/use Easy Manner.