IE Overview
What are the three priorities of interpersonal effectiveness?
1) obtaining your objective
2) maintaining relationship
3) maintaining self-respect
What does DEARMAN stand for?
Describe. Express. Assert. Reinforce
(Stay) mindful. Appear confident. Negotiate
True or False: finding friends takes little effort
FALSE! finding and maintaining friends takes a lot of effort!
What is validation? And what is it not?
Finding the kernel of truth in someone's perspective. Acknowledging that a person's emotions, experiences, and beliefs make sense.
Validation is NOT agreeing or approving
Reinforce (increase behavior)
Punish (decrease behavior)
Pair the three interpersonal effectiveness priorities with the corresponding skill
Objective effectiveness: DEARMAN
Relationship effectiveness: GIVE
Self-Respect effectiveness: FAST
What do GIVE & FAST stand for?
GIVE: (be) gentle, (act) interested, validate, easy manner
FAST: (be) fair, (no) apologies, stick to your values, (be) truthful
I'm trying to develop new friendships outside of school but not sure where to start... any ideas?
Join a group that interests you
Make small talk with people at work
Pay attention to people who share similar interests and attitudes
What is the definition of dialectics? How can we be dialectical in relationships?
Two things that seem like opposites can both be true
Honor the truth on both sides, see multiple perspectives, be flexible in problem solving (there are always multiple truths)
True or false: punishment (introducing a disliked consequence) teaches new behavior
FALSE
Punishment does NOT equal new learning
You really need your friend to reach out to their therapist when they are in "crisis" rather than call you, especially in the middle of the night, but you don't know how to ask for what you need with this friend. What factor is getting in your way?
You don't have the interpersonal skills you need.
You want to ask your caregiver (or teen) for something, but your relationship has been a bit shaky lately. Should you lower or increase the intensity of asking?
Lower
Name three conversation skills for building new relationships
Ask questions and respond with a little more info to keep the conversation going
Chit-chat! (even if it's not fun)
Don't interrupt
Self-disclose skillfully (avoid over/under sharing)
Explore your interests to have more things to talk about! read, watch shows, engage in a hobby
Identify three situations when invalidation is painful.
1) you are being ignored
2) you are repeatedly misunderstood, misinterpreted, misread
3) important facts/identities about you are ignored
4) you are receiving unequal treatment
5) you are disbelieved when being truthful
The DBT team gives you stars for completing HW and diary card each week, which you can exchange for prizes at the end of each module. What behavior strategy are we using? Explain :)
positive reinforcement - increase hw and diary card completion
Help! I'm trying to have a conversation, but I'm struggling to communicate effectively because I'm too dysregulated... What's getting in my way? What should I do instead?
You're at your skills breakdown point and need to use distress tolerance skills.
Last night, your teen asked if they could go to a concert without a chaperone this weekend. You said you would think about it. Today, you're planning to tell your teen when they get home from school that they cannot go to the concert. When they get home from school, they share that they had a HORRIBLE day. What factor should you consider when determining the intensity of saying no? What should you do?
Timeliness - consider holding off answering for a while
What can we observe in others and what can we not observe? Why does this matter?
Observe: language, behaviors, posture, facial expressions
Cannot observe: thoughts, motives, intentions, emotions, desires or experiences
**Making assumptions without checking the facts or being open to being wrong can rupture relationships
Identify the levels of validation for each situation:
-- Your little sister is upset that her friends are hanging out and did not include her. You respond, "I'm sorry. It sucks to feel excluded"
-- You're prepping for state testing and are really nervous. Your caregiver says, "of course you're nervous. testing is stressful for anyone!
Your little sister is upset that her friends are hanging out and did not include her. You respond, "I'm sorry. You must feel left out" --- V3 read minds! (also V6 radical genuineness)
You're prepping for state testing and are really nervous. Your caregiver says, "of course you're nervous. testing is stressful for anyone!" --- V5 "acknowledge the valid"
When we don't practice our PLEASE skills (eat, sleep, exercise, take meds as prescribed, etc.), we may feel tired, grumpy, achey, etc. What behavior strategy is at play? Explain :)
Identify the myths! (select all that apply)
A. I can have the thought that I don't deserve to get what I want/need and still ask.
B. It's not worth asking for something if I'm not 100% confident they will say yes
C. Just because I've known someone for a long time (*cough family) means they should know exactly what I want them to do (and always do it).
D. Mean people don't deserve my skillfulness.
B and D
Identify one thing you think could be improved in multifamily DBT skills group and ask the team leaders to make the change using a DEARMAN.
Responses will vary. Points up to the discretion of the team leaders. Must include describe, express, assert, reinforce
1) the relationship is threatening your integrity or wellbeing
2) you are in love with someone who doesn't love you back
3) you are consistently invalidated in the relationship
IN WISE MIND!
Name the three caregiver-teen dialectical dilemmas
too strict <--> too loose
fostering dependence <--> forcing independence
making too much of typical teen behaviors <--> making light of problematic behaviors
Name three approaches that increase the effectiveness of behavior change strategies
1) the reinforcer has to be valuable to the person and the setting (person- and context-dependent)
2) allow for natural consequences to do the work
3) quantity - just right!
4) collaborate!