DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills
These skills in DBT help you to communicate your needs clearly and assertively without being aggressive. They are often used to balance getting what you want with maintaining positive relationships.
What is DEAR MAN?
This cognitive distortion involves focusing only on the negative aspects of a situation while ignoring or dismissing any positive elements, often leading to a skewed, overly negative view.
What is Filtering?
This practice involves recognizing your own needs, values, and limits, and acting in ways that protect your emotional and psychological well-being, even if it means saying "no" or asserting yourself in difficult situations.
What is Self-Respect?
You are at a party, and someone you don’t know asks about your personal life in an invasive way. Use GIVE skills to set a boundary.
You might say something like: "I appreciate your interest, but I prefer to keep my personal life private. Let’s talk about something else."
This 1994 film features a character named Forrest, who has an extraordinary life journey despite his simple nature, and includes the famous line: "Life is like a box of chocolates."
What is Forrest Gump?
These DBT skills help you balance self-respect and the respect of others by maintaining your values and acting in ways that align with them.
What is FAST?
This cognitive distortion occurs when you minimize or ignore positive experiences or achievements, believing they don't count.
What is Disqualifying the Positives?
This concept involves recognizing your worth and treating yourself with kindness and respect, regardless of how others may treat you or how you perform in different situations.
What is Self-Compassion?
A colleague keeps interrupting you in meetings, and it’s frustrating. Use DEAR MAN to assertively ask for them to stop.
"I feel frustrated when you interrupt me during meetings (Describe). I would appreciate it if you could allow me to finish my point (Express). It would help me communicate my ideas more clearly (Assert). I’m willing to discuss this more if needed (Reinforce)."
In this 1993 film, a brother, his sister, his new friend, and a cat encounter a trio of sisters who are witches.
What is Hocus Pocus?
When practicing interpersonal effectiveness in DBT, these are the key skills to use when you're trying to balance being assertive while maintaining a respectful, non-hostile tone.
What is GIVE?
When you blame yourself entirely for a negative event, ignoring other factors that contributed to the situation, you are engaging in this cognitive distortion.
What is Blaming?
This concept, in CBT, is important for self-worth and involves viewing yourself as valuable and deserving of respect, regardless of external achievements.
What is Self-Esteem?
Your friend asks for a favor that you are uncomfortable with. Use FAST skills to say "no" without feeling guilty.
"I care about our friendship, but I cannot help with this request because it goes against my values right now (Fair). I’m not saying this to hurt you (Apologize). I am standing firm in my decision (Stick to values). I won’t attack myself for saying no (Don’t self-attack)."
This 1991 sci-fi thriller features a cyborg assassin from the future, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, sent to kill a woman who will one day give birth to humanity's savior.
What is Terminator 2: Judgment Day?
This component of the GIVE skills involves acknowledging and understanding another person’s feelings or perspective, even if you don't agree with them. It's about showing empathy.
What is Validate?
This distortion occurs when you believe your emotions reflect objective reality, such as thinking "I feel anxious, so something bad is about to happen."
What is Emotional Reasoning?
In CBT, this feeling often arises when a person has violated their own values or ethical standards, leading to feelings of worthlessness or self-blame.
What is Guilt?
You’ve received a compliment on your work, but you dismiss it because you think it’s not good enough. Use Disqualifying the Positives to analyze this thought.
"I'm minimizing my success and discounting the compliment by telling myself my work wasn’t good enough. This is an example of Disqualifying the Positives—I'm ignoring positive feedback."
This 1999 film, starring Keanu Reeves, explores a dystopian world where humans unknowingly live in a simulated reality controlled by machines.
What is The Matrix?
This DBT skill involves recognizing when to compromise and finding a way to meet in the middle during an interaction, especially when your needs and the other person’s needs conflict.
What is Negotiation?
This distortion involves viewing a situation in terms of extremes—either “everything is terrible” or “everything is great”—without considering any nuances or middle ground.
What is All-or-Nothing Thinking?
This feeling is often more about how we perceive our worth based on external opinions or past mistakes and can lead to self-criticism and avoidance.
What is Shame?
After making a mistake at work, you automatically feel like you’re a failure. Use Emotional Reasoning to challenge this thought.
"Just because I feel like a failure doesn’t mean I actually am. I can separate my emotions from the facts of the situation."
In this 1997 blockbuster, a romance blooms between two passengers aboard a doomed luxury liner after it hits an iceberg.
What is Titanic?