DEAR MAN
What is the goal of DEAR MAN?
What is the goal of the GIVE skills?
Keeping and maintaining healthy relationships
What is the goal of the FAST skill?
Maintaining self respect
What is the goal of the THINK skill?
Make peace, reduce conflict, and reduce anger
What are the three main goals of interpersonal effectiveness?
Keeping and maintaining healthy relationships (GIVE skills), Getting somebody to do what you want (DEAR MAN skills), Maintaining your self respect (FAST skills)
What does the "D" in DEAR MAN stand for?
Describe
What does the "G" in GIVE stand for?
Gentle
What does the "A" in FAST stand for?
Apologies
The "H" in THINK reminds you to try and understand the other person's feelings and perspective before asking for something. What is this?
Have empathy
Name one thing that can make it hard to be interpersonally effective.
Examples might include: Strong emotions, not knowing what you want, worrying about what others think, past negative experiences
What is the definition of Assert in the DEAR MAN skill?
Ask for what you want or say "no" clearly. Remember, the other person can't read your mind.
Why is it important to act interested in what the other person is saying when using the "I" in GIVE (Interested)?
Showing interest makes the other person feel heard and valued, which strengthens the relationship.
Why is "F" important in FAST?
This part of FAST helps reduce arguments and increases the chances of finding solutions that work for everyone involved in a disagreement.
What are the factors to consider in asking for what you want?
Priorities, capability, timeliness, preparation, relationship, give and take
Why is it important to know your priorities in a situation?
Knowing what's most important to you (getting your needs met, maintaining the relationship, or keeping your self-respect) helps you decide which interpersonal skills to use
Explain why it's important to be specific when you're using your "R" skill in DEAR MAN (Reinforce)
Being specific helps the other person understand exactly what you appreciate or what positive outcome will happen if they meet your request, making them more likely to cooperate.
Describe a situation where using the "V" in GIVE (Validate) would be helpful, even if you don't agree with the other person.
Examples might include: Your sibling is upset about not making the team. You could say, "I can see why you're feeling disappointed; you really wanted to be on that team," even if you think they could have practiced more.
Imagine someone is pressuring you to do something you don't want to do. How could you use the "T" in FAST (Truthful) in this situation while still being respectful?
Examples might include: "Thanks for asking, but I'm not comfortable with that," or "No, thank you. I've already made other plans."
Give an example of how someone might use kindness when asking a friend for a favor, according to the THINK skill
Instead of just saying, 'Hey, can you help me with this homework? I'm stuck,' they might say, 'Hey, you're so good at math. I'm really struggling with this one problem, and I was hoping you might have a few minutes to help me understand it? No worries if you're busy, though
When you're in a conflict with someone, this skill involves trying to see the situation from their point of view, even if you don't agree with them. It can help you understand why they might be feeling or acting a certain way. What is this?
Perspective taking
Imagine a friend keeps borrowing your things without asking. How could you use the "N" in DEAR MAN (Negotiate) to address this?
Examples might include: "Maybe you could ask me before you borrow things, and I'll try my best to say yes if I can," or "I'm not comfortable with you borrowing my things without asking. How about we agree that you'll always ask first?"
How can using the "E" in GIVE (Easy manner) help you maintain a good relationship, even during a difficult conversation?
A calm and friendly tone can help de-escalate tension and make the other person more receptive to what you're saying.
Your friends are pressuring you to skip studying for a really important test tomorrow so you can all go to a party. You value doing well in school and feeling prepared. Use FA(S)T to respond
EX) The party sounds great, but doing well on this test tomorrow is really important to me. I need to study tonight. Maybe I can catch up with you later or we can hang out after?
Your phone charger broke, and you really need to charge your phone for an important after-school club meeting. Your older sibling has a charger that fits your phone. Run through each step of the factors to consider in asking for what you want
Priorities: How important is it for me to have a charged phone for my club meeting right now compared to my sibling potentially needing their charger.
Capability: Does my sibling actually have their charger with them and is it free for me to borrow?
Timeliness: Is now a good time to ask? Are they busy with homework, talking to friends, or about to leave?
Preparation: What will I say? Will I promise to return it quickly and be careful?
Relationship: What's our relationship like right now? Have we been getting along? Have I borrowed their things a lot lately?
Give and Take: Have I done anything for them recently that might make them more willing to help me out? If they say yes, how can I thank them or return the favor later?"
Before you ask for something, it's helpful to consider this about the person you're asking, like if they're busy or stressed.
What is their current situation or mood?