DEAR MAN
This is the part of a DEAR MAN that you can write out as a script.
What is DEAR?
This is the goal/objective of GIVE.
What is to maintain positive relationships?
This is the objective/goal of FAST.
What is setting a limit/maintaining self-respect?
This is the goal/objective of the THINK skill.
What is to make peace, reduce conflict, and reduce anger?
This is how you might challenge the myth: I shouldn't have to ask or say no - they should know what I want.
Any dialectical statement or reframe to make the myth gentler (e.g., challenging "shoulds").
This is the goal/objective of DEAR MAN.
What is getting what you want/need or saying no?
Not interrupting and looking directly at the other person are ways of doing this part of GIVE.
What is I: act Interested?
This is what the T in FAST stands for.
What is be Truthful?
This is how are you are trying to THINK about things when using the T in this skill.
What is, from the other person's perspective?
This is an example of a situation where you might use a DEAR MAN - GIVE combo.
Anything that requires asking for somethign/saying no while also working to maintain the relationship in a positive way.
Component of DEAR MAN where you let others know the positive benefits of you getting what you want.
What is R: Reinforce?
"That must have felt..." and "I can understand how you feel..." are examples of this part of GIVE.
What is V: Validate?
This is who we are being fair to when we use the F in FAST.
This is what the H in the THINK skill stands for.
What is H: Have empathy.
These are 2 examples of things that might stop you from achieving your IPE goals.
What are: lack of skill, worry thoughts, emotions, unclear goals/priorities, the environment, short term vs long term goals.
This is the part of DEAR MAN where you use "I" statements.
What is E: Express?
This is the component of GIVE that you might use to lighten-the-mood.
What is E: use an Easy manner?
This is an example of a value we might stick to when using the S in the FAST skill.
What is ex: friendships, family, being responsible, achieving things, being a part of a group, attending to relationships, being responsible, etc.
When using the I in the THINK skill, we need to be sure to come up with at least one interpretation of this kind.
What is neutral or benign?
This is how you might challenge the myth: I don't deserve to get what I want or need in relationships.
Any dialectical statement or reframe to make the myth gentler
What is N: Negotiate?
This is an example of a way to demonstrating being Gentle (G) when using the GIVE skill.
Examples: being nice, being respectful, not attacking, not using threats, being non-judgmental, paying attention to tone of voice
This is why we don't apologize (or over-apologize) when using the A in the FAST skill.
What is, it can reduce our sense of self-respect (especially when we have not done something wrong!)
This is one thing we might try to Notice when using the N in THINK.
What is, how the other person has been trying to make things better, help, or show they care; or, how the other person may be struggling with their own stress/problems.
Use an IPE to respond to this scenario (what might you say?): You share a bathroom with your sister. Normally she keeps the bathroom pretty clean, but has been leaving it a complete mess for the past few weeks. You're fed up with this.
Any can apply.