Reframe the Myth
“If I say no, they’ll stop liking me.”
“People who respect me will also respect my boundaries.”
Alex says yes to covering a shift even though they’re exhausted and have a big test tomorrow. They say, “If I don’t do it, my coworker will hate me.”
My coworker’s feelings don’t define my worth. I can say no kindly and take care of myself.
Maya’s friend has been super down lately. Maya’s exhausted from her own stress and doesn’t have the emotional energy to check in. She thinks, “If I don’t say something, I’m a bad friend,” but avoids texting because she knows she can’t really show up right now.
Inneffective
It’s selfish to ask for what I want.
Everyone has the right to express their needs respectfully.”
Jade tells their friend, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and need some space tonight. Let’s talk tomorrow?”
Fact
Devon confronts a friend about constantly canceling plans. He says, “It feels like I don’t matter to you,” but his tone is sharp and a little sarcastic. Afterward, he thinks, “At least I was honest.”
Ineffective
If I make someone upset, I’ve done something wrong
It's okay to disappoint others—my needs still matter.
Zoe asks their parent if they can skip a family event to rest after a stressful week. They explain their needs respectfully.
Fact
Jules is hurt by something their sibling said but decides not to bring it up. They tell themselves, “I’m just choosing peace over drama—it’s not worth it.” They have tried to bring it up in the past but it has only made things worse. Jules has learned that if they act like it doesn't bother them it takes the fun out of it and thier brother will stop.
Effective
Standing up for myself means being mean
I can be firm and kind at the same time.
Taylor avoids telling their partner something that’s bothering them. They think, “Bringing this up will just start a fight.”
Myth
Lena tells her friend “I really can’t hang out this weekend. I’ve got a lot on my plate.” It’s the second time in a row she’s said no. Her friend replies, “Wow. You’re really blowing me off lately.” Lena responds "It makes sense your upset can we reschedule for next week"
Effective
Feeling guilty means I did something bad
Guilt is just a feeling—it doesn’t mean I did wrong
Chris wants to ask for help with schoolwork but says, “I should be able to figure this out myself—asking for help makes me look weak.”
Myth
Toby asked their partner three times this week to help more around the house. Their partner still isn’t doing it. Toby thinks, “Maybe I’m being too demanding. I don’t want to nag. I guess I will just do it myself"
Ineffective