Cognitive Distortions
distortion focuses on a single negative piece of information and excludes all the positive ones. An example of this distortion is one partner in a romantic relationship dwelling on a single negative comment made by the other partner and viewing the relationship as hopelessly lost, while ignoring the years of positive comments and experiences.
Mental Filter/
Disqualifying the Positive
the refusal to accept reality or fact, acting as if a painful event, thought or feeling did not exist. It is considered one of the most primitive of the defense mechanisms because it is characteristic of early childhood development.
denial
People going through this phase tend to lash out at the ones around them as an unwarranted reaction to the feelings of helplessness.
Anger
response to a situation is to do nothing or to agree to do something that you really don’t want to do. You may believe that you are being treated unfairly yet decide not to say anything.
Passive
boundaries protect your space and body, your right to not be touched, to have privacy, and to meet your needs such as resting or eating. They tell others how close they can get to you, what kind of touch (if any) is okay, how much privacy you need, and how to behave in your personal space. A *** boundary clearly defines that your body and personal space belong to you.
Physical
this distortion involves taking everything personally or assigning blame to yourself without any logical reason to believe you are to blame.
This distortion covers a wide range of situations, from assuming you are the reason a friend did not enjoy the girls’ night out, to the more severe examples of believing that you are the cause for every instance of moodiness or irritation in those around you.
Personalization
is the misattribution of a person’s undesired thoughts, feelings or impulses onto another person who does not have those thoughts, feelings or impulses. For example, a spouse may be angry at their significant other for not listening, when in fact it is the angry spouse who does not listen.
Projection
The negotiation phase occurs when a grieving person needs an emotional release from the shock and pain of loss.
Bargaining.
You might verbally agree to a request but intend to do something entirely different. An example of this is agreeing to work overtime, even if you don’t want to and think that it is an unreasonable request. Then you show up late or call in sick or perform the job poorly. This is an indirect way of showing anger and controlling situations without taking responsibility of your true feelings.
Passive-aggressive
protect your right to have your own feelings and thoughts, to not have your feelings criticized or invalidated, and not have to take care of other people’s feelings. **boundaries differentiate your feelings from other people’s, so you’re accountable for your own feelings, but not responsible for how others feel. *** boundaries also allow us to create emotional safety by respecting each other’s feelings, not oversharing personal information that’s inappropriate for the nature or level of closeness in the relationship.
Emotional or Mental Boundaries
this distortion manifests as an inability or unwillingness to see shades of gray. In other words, you see things in terms of extremes – something is either fantastic or awful, you believe you are either perfect or a total failure.
All-or-Nothing Thinking / Polarized Thinking
Also known as “Black-and-White Thinking
is the redirecting of thoughts feelings and impulses directed at one person or object, but taken out upon another person or object. The man is redirecting his anger from his boss to his dog or wife.
Displacement
As a person adjusts to life without the person they grieve, the depression and other extreme feelings fade away.
Acceptance
can take the form of interrupting, yelling, blaming, threatening, and even violence. Aggression is frequently rewarded in the short term, because other people become afraid or back down. You might get what you want, but there is a considerable cost to the relationship.
Agressive
boundaries protect your financial resources and possessions, your right to spend your money as you choose, to not give or loan your money or possessions if you don’t want to, and your right to be paid by an employer as agreed.
Financial and Material Boundaries
refers to the tendency to make conclusions and predictions based on little to no evidence and holding them as gospel truth.
One example of fortune-telling is a young, single woman predicting that she will never find love or have a committed and happy relationship based only on the fact that she has not found it yet. There is simply no way for her to know how her life will turn out, but she sees this prediction as fact rather than one of several possible outcomes.
Jumping to Conclusions – Fortune Telling
is the reversion to an earlier stage of development in the face of unacceptable thoughts or impulses. For an example an adolescent who is overwhelmed with fear, anger and growing sexual impulses might become clingy and start exhibiting earlier childhood behaviors he has long since overcome, such as bedwetting. An adult may regress when under a great deal of stress, refusing to leave their bed and engage in normal, everyday activities.
regression
The next stage of grief reflects the stubbornness of the human spirit. The mind goes into this state to avoid the pain and reality of loss.
denial
This form of communication should be your goal. When you practice assertiveness, you are clearly stating what you want and need. These communicators respect their own needs and boundaries and those for other people. This is the form of communication that is least emotion driven, most honest, and most effective in the long term.
Assertive
They protect you from agreeing to do things you don’t want to do, having people waste your time, and being overworked.
Time Boundaries
This distortion refers to the acceptance of one’s emotions as fact. It can be described as “I feel it, therefore it must be true.” Just because we feel something doesn’t mean it is true; for example, we may become jealous and think our partner has feelings for someone else, but that doesn’t make it true. Of course, we know it isn’t reasonable to take our feelings as fact, but it is a common distortion nonetheless.
Emotional Reasoning
explaining an unacceptable behavior or feeling in a rational or logical manner, avoiding the true reasons for the behavior
Rationalization
you start facing your present reality and the inevitability of the loss you’ve experienced. Understandably, this realization may lead you to feel intense sadness and despair.
This intense sadness could cause you to feel different in other aspects too. You could feel:
Depression
What should you do when a conflict arises?
When you acknowledge your feelings and do not immediately react to them, you are much more able to decide how you want to respond when conflict arises.
types of boundaries we set that relate to our thoughts and ideas. Things like how we respond to someone not respecting our ideas, how we communicate with others, when we discuss something vs. when we know it’s not a good time.
types of boundaries we set that relate to our thoughts and ideas. Things like how we respond to someone not respecting our ideas, how we communicate with others, when we discuss something vs. when we know it’s not a good time.
Intellectual boundaries