Emotions
Describe one thing you can do to
manage difficult or unpleasant
emotions.
Name them!
You say good morning to your co-worker and ask them for help with a task. They roll their eyes and sigh and abruptly say “fine.”
Name 2 different reasons why they could have responded in this way
Possibilities:
They are stressed due to circumstances outside of work.
They are struggling to meet their own deadlines and can't find the time.
They are frustrated because you are the third person to ask them for help and they just arrived.
Name at least 2/6 of the communication skills framework we discussed when considering communication/ conversations.
HINT: one option is finding a good time to have an important conversation
find a good time to have an important conversation
focus on a specific situation
clarify expectations
understand (though not necessarily accept) the other person’s point of view
negotiate with the other person
show appreciation
What is a benefit of setting boundaries?
What is a consequence of having porous or rigid boundaries?
Benefits: Protective, don't compromise values, accept when others say no to you, values own opinions
Consequences: difficult to say no, overinvolved, unlikely to ask for help, no intimacy, fear rejection, isolation
What is mentalizing?
Seeing yourself from the outside and others from the inside
The capacity to interpret others beliefs, desires and/or emotions from an interaction where they are not explicitly stated
Name this emotion: unhappiness or
sadness caused by someone's words
or actions
Hurt
Your spouse forgot to do their weekly chore again, you ask them and they say "I forgot, I will try to remember next time" You are annoyed and roll your eyes and walk away. How does your non-verbal communication impact them?
Possibilities:
They feel inadequate.
They feel undervalued; they contribute in other ways.
What are the 4 components of an “I” message?
HINT: Starts with "when..."
BONUS: state one out loud (yes, right now) with a recent example
When…
feel…
Because…
What I need is…
What is the difference between setting a boundary and giving an ultimatum? BONUS: give us an example based on a recent communication you had
Boundary is about what we do
Ultimatum is about what they do
Name this emotion: A general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable or inferior in some way Synonyms: inadequate, inferior
Insecure
You share an “I” message with your spouse/partner and they start listing the things they are annoyed with you at. You wish they wouldn’t bring out the laundry list and were able to focus on your ask. How do you think they are feeling in this scenario? Do you think they have a sense you want this from this scenario?
Possibilities:
ridiculed, guilty, defensive
Describe a decision analysis.
Hint: it considers pros and cons of something…
a tool to come up with options
pros/cons of change vs staying the same
helpful to come up as many possibilities as possible
helpful to withhold judgement while brainstorming
Role play! Turn to the person diagonal from you. They have been annoying you with their loud chewing, and talking with food in their mouth (at you) during lunch at the office. You have decided you need to address this.
Direct ask.
Boundary: what am I going to do...if they don't change, I might change (eat in my own office)
"I message"
What is a primary vs a secondary emotion?
Primary emotions are the
first emotions that you feel for any
given event. Secondary emotions are
feelings you experience after primary
emotion. Secondary emotions usually
are more intense emotions that push
people away or protect yourself in
some way.
You plan a surprise birthday party for your best friend, they are overwhelmed, tearful and walk out.
What was the impact of the surprise on your friend?
Was that your intent?
They feel overwhelmed and nervous.
Intentions are not equivalent to impact.
Role play! Turn to the person to your right. They offer you cupcakes and cookies they have made every day at lunch. You do not want them. Show us the 2/4 different ways to say no and name them.
The direct no
The reflecting no
The rain check no
The broken record no
Name at least 2/6 of the boundary steps?
Hint: the first is setting up support before and/or after each boundary conversation.
Set up support before and/or after
Vent any strong emotions before
Use simple and direct language
Do not defend, debate, over-explain, or apologize for your feelings
When faced with resistance, repeat your statement or request
Back up your boundary with action