Holiday Lights, Not Fights
What happens when you plug 12 light strings into one outlet?
A light show so bright it could signal aliens—or a fire hazard.
Why should you water your tree daily?
Because a dried-up tree burns faster than our annual bonus =(
What should you sprinkle on icy walkways to avoid falling?
Salt, sand, or leftover holiday spirit.
What’s the most dangerous part of cooking a holiday feast?
Trying to "eyeball" cooking times like a pro chef on TV.
Why should you check your car battery before a holiday road trip?
because Santa’s sleigh isn’t available for roadside rescues.
What’s the first thing you should check on holiday lights before plugging them in?
That the wires aren’t more frayed than your patience with holiday shopping.
What happens if you put your tree too close to a fireplace?
you’ll roast more than chestnuts this holiday season.
Why should you never hang decorations without a ladder?
Because it’s hard to look festive when you’re in a full-body cast.
What should you do with leftovers after a holiday meal?
Refrigerate them—or risk turning your fridge into a science experiment.
Why shouldn’t you drive distracted during the holidays?
because texting about sales isn’t worth rear-ending someone in a Santa suit.
Why should you never hang lights while standing on a swivel chair?
Because you’ll end up headlining your own comedy show in the ER.
hat should you avoid hanging on your tree if you have a cat?
anything shiny, dangly, or expensive—so basically everything.
What type of footwear is best for icy weather?
Anything with more grip than an office party handshake.
Why shouldn’t you eat the suspicious-looking fruitcake?
Because it’s probably older than you.
What’s the best way to stay warm if your car breaks down?
A blanket—bonus points if it’s festive and cozy.
Why is using indoor lights outdoors a bad idea?
ecause they’ll get soaked and zap your holiday spirit—literally.
What’s the safest way to secure a wobbly tree?
Tie it to the wall before it tips over and smacks your mother-in-law in the head.
Why is untangling lights on the floor a bad idea?
Because tripping over them is not the "fall" you want this season.
What’s the fastest way to ruin the holiday dinner?
Burn the turkey—and your pride.
Why is holiday traffic worse than wrapping presents?
Because there’s no gift receipt for lost patience.
What’s the best way to turn off your holiday lights if you’re lazy?
Use a timer, so you can focus on eating cookies instead.
hy shouldn’t you use sparklers as tree decorations?
Unless you’re aiming for a fire department visit, just don’t. Maybe this way we can get the Tucson Fire Dept to do our Annual Fire Inspection (no email response)!
What’s the safest way to deal with dangling extension cords?
Tape them down—so you don’t trip and yank the whole tree down with you.
Why is drinking too much eggnog at a party risky?
because you’ll end up singing carols nobody asked for—or driving home unsafely.
What should you do before driving home after a holiday party?
Call a sober ride—your reputation as a party legend isn’t worth the risk.