Movies I love, explained badly
a love triangle between a teenager, a 100 year old man, and a dog
Twilight
I was relentlessly mocked as a child by friends, schoolmates, and yes, even my precious family, for this physical feature
my big ol head
this folk band was the first I ever saw in concert
The Arcadian Wild
my favorite famous Jake
Jake Gyllenhaal
He would have loved Google Maps to find the Promised Land a lot quicker
Moses
Two socially awkward people insult each other until they fall in love
Pride and Prejudice
My favorite phase of the moon
waxing gibbous
My favorite book of the Bible
Philippians
the movie I have seen more times than any other
Napoleon Dynamite
he would have loved Tinder to find his next concubine
Solomon
Restaurant becomes famous thanks to their chef who lives in the ceiling
Ratatouille
the costume I was wearing when I made it onto UMD Barstool
Banana
the superlative I won in high school
most likely to succeed
this is the most recent time I peed my pants
at church two sundays ago
she would make great use of Google Calendar for her multitasking and managing her household with visitors
Martha
kids play hide and seek and end up overthrowing the government
Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe
This was found in Lake Artemesia the morning after I went swimming in it freshmen year
A dead body
the sewer where I was set on fire by a dear friend was under this restaurant
Chick Fil A
my first desired career path as a child was "donut maker." what was my second?
Neurosurgeon
She would have been a super-host on Airbnb for her roof-top rental and discretion
Rahab
A monk recruits a teenager to commit various acts of terrorism
Star Wars: A New Hope
The number of girls who have confessed their love to me in the passenger seat of my Jeep
Two
what do I have in my pocket right now
let me show you
this is my favorite fun fact (hint: Frankenstein)
Mary Shelley lost her virginity on her mother's grave
YouTube shorts or other short-form content (and perhaps an energy drink) could have prevented his death
Eutychus