Family Systems
What are some things families share?
DNA, beliefs, clothes, bathroom, households, language, faith system, accents, car, hairbrush.
Families also share an emotional field.
What does it mean when we say that addiction is a family disease?
It can be generational, spreading through a family over time. It involves genetics, with genes impacting whether people are vulnerable to substance use disorder. It affects those around us and spreads negative effects.
What is a boundary?
Personal bubble, a line you cannot cross, no no square, a wall, a breaking point, a barrier.
Cooked
When you get in trouble, or you think something bad is gonna happen.
"I didn't study, I'm cooked for this test."
Showing out
What is the difference between a normal family rule and an "unwritten rule" in a family?
A normal family rule can be positive and helps the family function well
An "unwritten rule" may be negative and isn't talked about, you become aware of it when you break it.
What are some symptoms that a family is sick from one member's addiction?
Family legal issues, increased anxiety around the substance user, efforts to manage crises or fallout from the substance user's actions. Medical concerns: blood pressure, blood sugar, eating disorders, mental health concerns. Abandonment issues
What is a relational boundary?
The limit of behavior we are willing to accept in a relationship.
Italian Brain Rot
Bebe's kids
Very naughty children!
What is an example of an "unwritten rule" in a family?
We hit the dog if it poops in the house, don't talk about abuse to outsiders, don't talk to outsiders, don't bring up certain subjects around certain people.
What are some helpful and unhelpful things families do to try and help their loved ones in substance use disorder?
Unhelpful: Buy me drugs or vapes, yell, argue, lecture, blame, and fight.
Helpful: Cheer me on, encourage me, remind me of my positive qualities.
Unhealthy boundaries
Too much secrecy in families that enables negative behaviors and responses.
Glaze
Overhyping someone
(or that stuff on a donut)
Hoodlum
Rebellious child
What are some feelings and dynamics that flow around a system and are felt by it's members?
Emotional energy of any kind -
Children and other members will learn unwritten rules and feel energy as it moves through members of the system.
How does enabling someone harm them?
When you make excuses or other justification for someone's negative actions you keep them from learning from appropriate consequences. You take an active role in keeping them sick.
Give examples of appropriate ways to make a boundary with another person.
Sit down to have a conversation at a calm time. Speak respectfully. Take responsibility for your part of the conversation.
Chopped Cheese
Ugly
Cat
Young person, guy 1950's
How does anxiety or other emotional energy move around a family system?
Family members, sharing an emotional field will be impacted by each other's moods and mental states. Younger ones will feel the emotional dynamics of the group, whether or not they understand them
What does it mean that children in a system can become a "symptom bearer" for their family?
Anxiety moves around in a family or system. More vulnerable/younger members will show disturbances in feelings/thoughts/behaviors when a family is unable to manage stress in a healthy way.
True or False: I am responsible for communicating my boundary in a healthy way, I am not responsible for the way someone else responds to it.
True! As long as we have clearly and respectfully communicated our need, we can allow the other person to take responsibility for their response.
Mogging
Outshining someone in some way
In the Ketchup
Operating at a deficit or loss, in the red.