Apocryphal Stories
Jed attended this summer retreat as a teenager where he supposedly hit a grand slam and kissed a girl (sorry mom).
What is camp teepee?
His most adventurous order at an Italian restaurant.
What is spaghetti and meatballs?
According to Jed, he was bound to take on this role after Mickey Mantle, if only he had a little encouragement...
What is center fielder for the New York Yankees?
This is another term for the jolly insulation commonly found on the belly.
What is gosh?
This uplifting concoction will give you a jolt as you admire the "highbrow" art.
What is Jazz Band Java?
Jed and his best childhood bud Bernie pulled off this stunt to convince Bernie's mom to drive them somewhere. Look's like the tank is full after all...
What is fill the gas tank with hose water?
When Kelly is out of town, this was the most common dinner Jed "cooked".
What is a microwaved quesadilla? (with a big cheesey glob in one spot)
If Spencer had a time machine, he and Jed could have hung out together in their early twenties in this California City.
What is Oakland?
You call someone this word if they are being a real ignoramus.
What is a putz?
As far as we know, there is no "Sussman Technique" but Jed deserves credit for curing this dramatic patient at Eden Hospital of this made up disorder.
What is occulitis?
No stranger to hijinks, Jed and his elementary school friends pranked their teacher by replacing the chalkboard eraser with this.
What is an ice cream sandwich?
It is a hot summer day in Fairfield, so Jed reaches for this cold dessert.
What is an orange creamsicle?
What could have been! Before his doctoral role, Jed's teenage band of this name could have really knocked you out of the kitchen.
What is Pots and Pans?
This trio of knuckleheads inspired Jed's schticks.
Who are the three stooges?
Nowadays, you just ask google. But if you needed to know all things letter H, you'd wait for a knock from Jed when he held this profession.
What is a door-to-door encyclopedia salesman?
This family member had super human strength. So much so he could tighten pipes with his bare hands.
Who is Zayde?
OK he won't actually eat this, instead he will fling this soggy creation under his elementary school teacher's desk.
What is a fried egg sandwich?
King Arthur or King Sussman? Jed's strength and endurance won him not only the heart of his beloved but also a coffee table during this face-off at the Renaissance Fair.
What is an arm wrestling match?
Our main man responds only to Jed, Dr. Sussman, or begrudgingly this name (only when being called upon by his Hebrew school teacher).
What is Sender Michael?
At Jed's first job at the grocery store, instead of stocking shelves he and his fellow hooligans would perform this prank (typically reserved for your friends house in the middle of the night).
What is teepeeing?
Jed uttered this not-so-playful rejoinder in an attempt to redeem a full discount.
What is "TOTAL COUPON"?
It's the early 90s and Jed orders this at McDonalds as an attempt to eat something "healthy".
What is the McLean Deluxe?
Can I make a request with the DJ? Jed's next door neighbor in college, much to his dismay, left his record player on repeat playing this song.
What is In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida?
Your cousin Mordecai is being a noodge so you tell him this yiddish phrase which translates to "go shit in the ocean".
Gay kaken ofn yam.
You too can have a Harvard vocabulary! If Jed did not become a psychologist, he would have held this profession, more in line with his undergraduate degree.
What is an english teacher?