Family Roles
This family role often becomes the high-achiever, fixer, and perfectionist who tries to make the family look good.
What is The Hero?
Group Question: How has being the "responsible one" helped you in life, and how has it created challenges for you?
According to SAMHSA, recovery is a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live self-directed lives, and strive to reach this.
What is their full potential?
Group Question: What does reaching your full potential look like in your recovery right now?
ANTs stands for these common thoughts that are involuntary, self-critical, and often distort reality.
What are Automatic Negative Thoughts?
Group Question: What is one Automatic Negative Thought that showed up for you this week?
This type of grief involves losses that are often overlooked by society, such as the loss of identity, lost years, or the loss of a substance that once felt like a friend.
What is disenfranchised loss (or secondary loss)?
Group Question: What is one secondary loss you have experienced in recovery that others may not understand?
This coping strategy involves changing a negative thought into a more realistic or balanced thought.
What is reframing (or challenging the thought)?
Group Question: Let's practice together. What is a negative thought you have had recently, and how could we reframe it into something more realistic and helpful?
This family role uses humor, charm, and distraction to ease tension and pain within the family.
What is The Mascot?
Group Question: Have you ever used humor to avoid talking about something painful? What was that experience like?
SAMHSA identifies four categories that support a healthy life in recovery: Home, Health, Purpose, and this.
What is Community?
Group Question: Which of the four areas—Home, Health, Purpose, or Community—is strongest for you right now, and which needs the most work?
Managing ANTs is about learning to navigate them, not necessarily doing this to every negative thought.
What is eliminating them?
Group Question: Why do you think trying to completely eliminate negative thoughts can sometimes make things worse?
Grief is not something we "get over"; instead, we learn to do this with it.
What is move forward with it (or carry it without letting it crush us)?
Group Question: How would your recovery change if you stopped trying to "fix" your grief and instead focused on learning how to carry it in a healthy way?
This coping skill involves contacting a sponsor, peer, counselor, or trusted friend when cravings or difficult emotions arise.
What is reaching out for support?
Group Question: Who is the first person you would call if you felt at risk of relapsing today?
This family role may isolate, shut down under stress, and avoid conflict by minimizing their own needs.
What is The Lost Child?
Group Question: When you are stressed, do you tend to pull away from others or ask for support? Why do you think that is?
This type of support includes counselors, therapists, psychiatrists, and peer support specialists.
What is a behavioral health care team?
Group Question: Who would you like to add to your recovery team that you currently o not have?
This coping skill helps you ground yourself in the present moment and gain distance from overwhelming thoughts.
What is mindfulness?
Group Question: What is one mindfulness technique you have used that actually helped calm your mind?
When grief triggers a craving, this 3-step strategy encourages you to Delay, Divert, and then Decide.
What is The 15-Minute Pivot (Cognitive Interrupt SOS)?
Group Question: Which of the three steps—Delay, Divert, or Decide—would be hardest for you to use during a grief wave, and why?
Activities such as walking, exercising, stretching, or playing sports are examples of this healthy coping skill.
What is physical activity/exercise?
Group Question: What physical activity helps improve your mood or reduce cravings the most?
The healing work for this role includes learning healthy boundaries and shifting from rescuing others to nurturing oneself.
What is The Caretaker (Enabler)?
Group Question: Have you ever spent so much energy helping others that you neglected your own needs? What happened?
These recovery supports can be found through organizations such as AA, NA, SMART Recovery, Celebrate Recovery, and In The Rooms.
What are community support meetings?
Group Question: Have you ever attended a recovery meeting? What did you like or dislike about the experience?
This cognitive distortion involves assuming you know what other people are thinking without evidence.
What is mind reading?
Group Question: Can you think of a time when you assumed someone was judging you or thinking negatively about you, but later found out you were wrong?
According to the Dual Process Model, healthy healing involves moving back and forth between feeling the grief and doing this.
What is Restoration Orientation (building life through responsibilities, hobbies, and sober activities)?
Group Question: When you are grieving, do you tend to spend more time feeling the pain or distracting yourself with responsibilities? How do you find balance?
This coping skill involves breaking a large problem into smaller, manageable steps rather than becoming overwhelmed.
What is problem-solving?
Group Question: What is one challenge in your recovery that could feel less overwhelming if you broke it into smaller steps?
This family role acknowledges the "elephant in the room" and often becomes an advocate, therapist, or mediator in adulthood.
What is The Truth Teller?
Group Question: Have you ever been the person who spoke up about something everyone else was avoiding? How was that received?
This person is often found through community programs and provides guidance, accountability, and shared experience in recovery.
What is a sponsor or mentor?
Group Question: What qualities would you look for in a sponsor, mentor, or recovery support person?
One of the five questions for challenging ANTs asks whether a thought is this or merely an opinion.
What is a fact?
How often do you find yourself treating opinions or fears as facts? What impact does that have on your emotions?
This grief-recovery SOS step encourages physical movement such as walking or stretching to help move emotional energy through the body.
What is Move?
Group Question: What physical activity helps you process emotions or reduce cravings when you are struggling?
HALT reminds us to check whether we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or this before making important decisions.
What is Tired?
Group Question: Which HALT trigger causes you the most difficulty in recovery, and what can you do to address it before it leads to cravings?