Dad Jokes
Why are elevator jokes so good?
They work on many levels.
The more you take, the more you leave behind, what am I?
Footsteps.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You're welcome.
What kind of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
Tooth hurty!
I am easy to lift, but hard to throw. What am I?
A feather.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
Nobel, that's why I knocked!
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
It was very sweepy!
A cowboy rode into town on Friday. He stayed for three nights and rode out on Friday. How is this possible?
His horse's name is Friday.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Yoda lady.
Yoda lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They're always stuffed!
What do you call the kind of vegetables?
Elvis Parsley.
What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
I am an odd number. Take away a letter and I become even. What number am I?
Seven.
Who's there?
Cash.
Cash who?
Nah, but I'll take some almonds if you got them.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools.
Why didn't the gardener grow an herb garden?
They couldn't find the thyme.
Why did the coffee go to the police?
To report a mugging!
What has lots of eyes, but can't see?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A broken pencil.
A broken pencil who?
Never mind, there's no point.
What is every whale's favorite greeting?
Whale hello there!
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig?
A pulled-pork.