A
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A Fsh
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?
...
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
For drizzle
Why don’t dinosaurs talk?
Because they're dead
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Get it...
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!!!!!!!!
It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad.
It’s a faux pa.
What did the buffalo say when his son left?
Bison
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob
What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
What did Blackbeard say when he turned 80?
“Aye, matey.”
What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear
What do you call a man who can’t stand?
Neil
Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
I don’t trust stairs.
There always up to something
Wife: “How do I look?”
Husband: “With your eyes.”
Have you heard the rumor about butter?
Neverminded I Shouldn’t be spreading it.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs