Jokes
Why did a man go golfing with two pairs of pants?
Just incase he made a whole in one
If the red house is made out of red blocks, the blue house is made out of blue blocks, the yellow house is made out of yellow blocks, what is the green house made out of?
Glass
A man kills his wife and hides her in some bushes. The next day, the police calls and tells the man his wife has been murdered, and that he should come to the crime scene write away. As soon as the man gets their he is arrested. Why?
The police never told him the location of the crime scene
How many times can you subtract ten from one hundred?
Once, then you will be subtracting ten from ninety
There is a one-story house in which everything is yellow. Yellow walls, yellow doors, yellow furniture. What color are the stairs?
There are no stairs. It is a one story house.
Why did the musician put wheels on her chair?
Because she liked to rock and roll
How many bricks does it take to complete a building made out of bricks?
One, the last one.
A man leaves home and turns left three times. When he returns home he finds two men wearing masks. Who are those men?
The umpire and catcher of a baseball team
Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
Mount Everest, it was still tallest even before we knew about it
During which month do people sleep the least?
February, their are only 28 days
What stays where it is when it goes off?
An alarm clock
When given one, you'll have either two or none. What am I?
A choice
A woman is sitting in her hotel room when there is a knock at the door. She opens the door to find a man whom she has never seen before. The man said "oh I'm sorry, I thought this was my room." He then went down the hallway and took the elevator. The woman went back into her room and phoned security. Why?
Who knocks on their own hotel room?
You draw a line. Without touching it, how do you make it a longer line?
Draw a short line next to it and now it’s the longer line.
I get my assignment at night and I always fullfill it but when I do , I get scolded. What am I?
An alarm clock
How many letters are in the alphabet?
eleven, three in 'the' and eight in 'alphabet'
Only one color, but not one size,
Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies.
Present in sun, but not in rain,
Doing no harm, and feeling no pain.
A shadow
You heard me before, yet you hear me again. Then I die, 'til you call me again. What am I?
An echo
Railroad crossing, watch out of cars. How do you spell that without any r's?
T-H-A-T
We kill, we give life, We are either poison or fruit- you choose. What are we?
Words
What is always in front of you but can't be seen?
The future
A bus driver goes the wrong way on a one way street. He passes the cops but they don't arrest him. Why?
He was a bus driver but I never said he was driving a bus. He was walking.
What is more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it, you'll die?
Nothing
I can be seen once in a minute, twice in a moment but never in a thousand years. What am I?
The letter 'M'
Everyone has me except a few. You may not be able to identify me but I can always identify you. What am I?
Fingerprints