Joke 1
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer!
I have a heart that never beats, I have a home but I never sleep. I can take a mans house and build anothers, And I love to play games with my many brothers. I am a king among fools. Who am I?
The King of Hearts in a deck of cards.
What do you call a donkey with three legs?
Pregnant!
I dig out tiny caves and store gold and silver in them. I also build bridges of silver and make crowns of gold. They are the smallest you could imagine. Sooner or later everybody needs my help, yet many people are afraid to let me help them. Who am I?
I am a Dentist.
David's father has three sons: Snap, Crackle, and _____?
David.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey!
I'm a god, a planet, and measurer of heat.
Who am I?
Mercury.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor?
Because it wasn't peeling well
Some days you think I'm pretty, but some days you think I'm ugly. Some days you'll love me, but some days you'll hate me. If you think I'm not good enough, you might get rid of me. Who am I?
I'm YOU! Some days you think you're pretty, but some days you think you're ugly. Some days you'll love yourself, but some days you'll hate yourself. And if you think you are not good enough, you might get rid of yourself. Life is amazing :) Live your life to the fullest!
Why is Europe like a frying pan?
Because it has Greece at the bottom.
Why is pirating so addictive?
Because once you lose your first hand, you get hooked!
A cloud was my mother, the wind is my father, my son is the cool stream, and my daughter is the fruit of the land. A rainbow is my bed, the earth my final resting place, and I'm the torment of man. Who Am I?
Rain.
Where do cows go for entertainment?
The moo-vies!
Tomorrow I am surely here, yesterday I am found as well. Today I am gone. Who am I?
The Letter "R"
Like a snake I constrict. Like a flowing river I glitter. However if I am licked. I will be bloody not bitter. What am I?
A necklace. They constrict your throat, they glitter and if you lick them, they will taste of metal (the same taste as your blood.)
How do you get a baby astronaut to fall asleep?
You rock it!
A father's child, a mother's child, yet no one's son.
Who am I?
The daughter.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
Some try to hide, some try to cheat, but time will show, we always will meet. Try as you might, to guess my name, I promise you'll know when you I do claim. Who am I?
Death.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch you later.
What happened when 19 and 20 got into a fight?
21!
Which President wore the largest hat?
The one with the largest head.
Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his toys?
Because he was a little shellfish!
I saw a man in white, he looked quite a sight. He was not old, but he stood in the cold. And when he felt the sun, he started to run. Please answer me.
Who could he be?
A Snowman.
From a tent, with my band, a sickness I induce. Not a camper, not a musician, not an illness. With my paint, wearing tailored clothes, my remedy heals all. Not an artist, not a tailor, not a doctor. Along follow sharp knives and teeth, to some a gift and others a nightmare. Not a cop, not a zookeeper, not a dream. What am I?
A clown. performes in a tent with other performers(clowns,animals,knife jugglers), makes people laugh, many find clowns funny or frightening.