A
What did the wig say to the head?
I've got you covered.
What part of a clock is always old?
The second hand.
Why do hurricanes travel so fast?
Because if they travelled slowly, they'd be known as slow-i-canes.
What did the January calendar girl say to the February calendar girl?
"I have more dates than you do."
What happens to tires when they get old?
They retire.
Which person can jump higher than a house?
Anyone. A house can't jump.
You cannot keep me until you have given me. What am I?
Your word.
What gets bigger the more you take away?
A hole.
What has four fingers and a thumb, but isn’t alive?
A glove.
If you have me, you will want to share me. If you share me, you will no longer have me. What am I?
A secret.
Two coins add up to 30 cents. One isn’t a nickel. What are they?
A quarter and a nickel.
I shave every day, but my beard stays the same. Who am I?
A barber.
The man who invented it doesn’t need it. The man who bought it doesn’t want it. The man who needs it doesn’t know. What is it?
A coffin.
What is full of holes but still holds water?
A sponge.
What question can you never answer yes to?
Are you asleep?
A man who was outside in the rain without an umbrella or hat didn’t get a single hair on his head wet. Why?
He's bald.
What can you hold in your left hand but not your right?
Your right elbow.
What can’t be put in a saucepan?
It's lid.
What kind of band never plays music?
What kind of coat is best put on wet?
Coat of paint.
I am always hungry and will die if not fed, but whatever I touch will soon turn red. What am I?
Fire.
David’s father has three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ____?
David.
There is one room in the house ghosts will not haunt.
The living room.
What has 13 hearts, but no other organs?
Deck of cards.
Different lights make me strange, for each one my size will change. What am I?