Name the Language
This apology language is simply saying, “I am sorry,” while acknowledging the hurt caused.
Expressing Regret?
What is missing to make this a stronger example of Expressing Regret?
“I’m sorry.”
The person should be specific about what they are sorry for and acknowledge how their behavior affected the other person.
Why might this apology not feel genuine?
“I'm sorry you're upset.”
It focuses on the other person's reaction rather than taking responsibility for the person's own behavior.
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.”
APOLOGY
True or False: If someone apologizes sincerely, you are required to forgive them immediately.
False
“I was wrong” is the key phrase associated with this apology language.
Accepting Responsibility?
What is missing to make this a stronger example of Accepting Responsibility?
“I’m sorry I lied to you. I was really stressed and didn’t know what else to do.”
The person needs to clearly acknowledge that they were wrong without using their circumstances as an excuse or shifting blame.
What's the problem with this apology?
“I'm sorry I lied, but you were asking too many questions.”
It includes blame/excuse-making and avoids full responsibility.
“I'm sorry, but you made me angry.”
EXCUSE
True or False: Someone can forgive you while still maintaining boundaries with you.
True
“What can I do to make it right?” represents this apology language.
Making Restitution?
What is missing to make this a stronger example of Making Restitution?
“I was wrong for lying to you. I’m sorry, and I know it damaged your trust.”
The person needs to address how they can repair the damage, such as asking, “What can I do to make this right?”
Which apology language is most strongly represented?
“I'm going to show you through my actions that I can be trusted again.”
Genuinely Repenting.
“I was stressed, so I snapped at you. But my stress doesn't excuse how I treated you.”
APOLOGY
A person apologizes but continues doing the exact same thing repeatedly. What apology language is missing?
Genuinely Repenting / behavioral change.
This apology language focuses on changing your behavior so the offense isn't repeated.
Genuinely Repenting?
What is missing to make this a stronger example of Genuinely Repenting?
“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I was wrong. I promise I won’t do it again.”
The person needs a specific and concrete plan for changing their behavior, rather than simply promising that it won't happen again.
Which language is being demonstrated?
“I'm sorry. I'll replace it.”
Making Restitution.
“I already said sorry. What more do you want from me?”
EXCUSE/DEFENSIVENESS
Why might someone struggle with requesting forgiveness?
This language involves asking the person you hurt if they are willing to forgive you rather than demanding forgiveness.
Requesting Forgiveness?
What is missing to complete the five-language apology?
“I’m sorry for hurting you. I was wrong, and I want to make things right. I’m going to work on changing my behavior.”
Requesting Forgiveness.
What is this person doing especially well?
“I know I hurt you. I'm sorry. I was wrong. I understand if you need time before you're ready to forgive me.”
They're expressing regret, accepting responsibility, and requesting forgiveness without demanding it or pressuring the other person.
“I understand why I reacted that way, but I was still responsible for what I said. Next time I'm going to step away before I respond.”
APOLOGY/ACCOUNTABILITY
This is the most important question to ask when trying to determine someone's personal apology language
“What do you need this person to say or do before you could genuinely forgive them?”