You & the Bride
The first time she got drink was at Lauren’s college apartment. Lauren made her a bunch of mixed drinks and she ended up half asleep on an air mattress in the living room. The room was spinning, but Lexi was talking about Taylor Swift for at least an hour while this Bach guest’s soul left her body.
Sarah
She has more than one ex named Will.
Lauren
After her friend went on a bad first date with a Trumpie, and said Trumpie Venmo requested her for the dinner he paid for after the date, this Bach guest called all of her friends and asked that they Venmo this man a penny with the caption “your worth” or “for Planned Parenthood donation”. Then this Bach guest proceeded to have a fight in the Venmo comments with him venmoing a penny back and forth.
Hint: the friend that went on the date is also present today.
Pat
Her first tattoo was a planet on her titty
Bella
Her answer to “who is your worst ex?”:
“Honestly it’s a toss up because they’re both fucking trash. One of them cheated on me with his married 48 year co-worker (he was 23 at the time.) The gag? My mom was both of their bosses”
Riley
She was Lauren’s little in APO.
Katherine
She and her boyfriend have been together for 4.5 years. Her most romantic memory with him is when he wrote her a poem for her birthday.
Caroline
When she was an RA in college, she had a resident tell her that her roommate peed on her toothbrush and told her so after she used it (ew). The plot twist was that the pee-er was actually getting back at her because the resident was a bully and stole her keys so she couldn’t get in her own room.
Alyssa
She blogs her life on YouTube.
Caroline
She let a guy finger her on a septa train with all of his friends in the row behind them
Lexi
Favorite memory with the bride was the Christmas party she hosted last year. It was great to meet all my nee besties for the first time
At her parents house, there is a journal containing her middle school exes.
Lauren
She went on a double date w/ her friend , but neither of their dates knew it. This Bach guest and her friend planned their dates at the same time and place so they could gossip in the bathroom. Her and her friend both had the meanest professor on campus that semester, and they ran into him on this fake double date. The professor ratted them out for their scheme to their dates and while chatting with him, this Bach guest spilled a whole glass of beer on herself.
Lexi
She is getting married three weeks after Lauren!
Marielle
She took a guys’s virginity at conference in this guys hotel room while texting her friend who was sleeping with his friend (in this Bach guests bed!) Her and her friend had matching hickies for their presentation (which these dudes decided to attend… and ask questions in the Q& A portion).
Lexi
Her favorite memory with the bride is catching her at the bar when she was dancing too hard and took a tumble.
Patrycja
She went on a first date with an accountant who brought his laptop to lunch and said that he hoped paying for brunch would be a “good investment”. She did not go on a second date with this man, obviously.
Sarah
Her wildest night, “I punched my friend because she didn’t get me the right pizza, did a backflip out of the backseat of my own car and collapsed on my friends kitchen floor”
Pat
She knows a weirdly large amount of trivia about the Shrek franchise.
Sarah
Her controversial opinion: “Shower sex is always a good idea.” No. Technically challenging, trying to avoid water in the eyes, doesn’t hit right, and also I want just want to get clean”
She was technically the bride’s first friend in college. They met at orientation and do not actually become friends until a few years later.
Bella
A guy she went on a date with told her he was taking her to a “special, unique, hole in the wall” pizza place and the pizza place was just a MOD pizza
Alyssa
Her worst date made her watch his 3 part stand up comedy set at the bar and give feedback after. In the middle of the 2nd act, she laughed and he said “don’t pity laugh.” The bartenders laughed the whole date
Riley
She got hit by a bicycle while playing basketball in the sixth grade. She woke up peeing her pants and she made it in the newspaper with her in her neck brace
Alyssa
She hooked up with two of her current boyfriend’s college roommates before they started dating
Bella