Is Love an Art?
What did Fromm mean when he described love is an art?
Love is not merely a feeling but an art that requires knowledge, effort, and practice.
What is desire?
An ownership of that longing (want).
A deep, personal acknowledgment that one is both deserving and capable of pursuing and receiving what is desired.
It thrives when we cultivate self-acceptance, autonomy, and a belief in our inherent worth.
What were the key findings from Harry Harlow's monkey experiments?
Attachment goes beyond just fulfilling basic survival needs. The bond between caregiver and child is crucial for emotional development. Consistent nurturing helps foster a sense of security and well-being.
According to Dan Siegel, what are the four features that characterize adolescent brain development?
1. Novelty seeking
2. Increased emotional intensity
3. Creative exploration
4. Social engagement
What is a new form of loneliness and how does it impact relationships?
A new form of loneliness in relationships occurs when a partner, physically present but mentally absorbed in their phone or social media, creates emotional distance.
Despite being in close proximity, the partner is engaging with a separate world, leaving the other person feeling isolated.
What is needed to practice love as an art?
1. Discipline
2. Concentration
3. Patience
4. Supreme concern for the mastery of the art
How does the role of fantasy and imagination benefit and consequent love?
Benefits:
- Can enhance the excitement and allure of the relationship.
- Explore and express feelings in creative ways.
- Help partners to navigate and resolve conflicts.
Consequences:
- Excessive idealization rooted in fantasy can lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointment.
- Become a form of escapism.
- Avoid confronting real issues or challenges within the relationship.
According to Rene Spitz, what are the severe consequences of prolonged separation from primary caregivers during critical developmental periods? What were the terms he coined?
Children who do not receive consistent love, affection, and social interaction during critical developmental periods often show delayed cognitive, emotional, and social development. These deficits can result in long-term psychological and behavioral problems.
Anaclitic Depression: The emotional and developmental effects of partial emotional deprivation, specifically when a child is separated from a caregiver or loses a loved object.
Hospitalism: Severe deterioration in a child’s physical and emotional state due to prolonged deprivation (longer than five months).
What does Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love suggest are the three fundamental components?
1. Intimacy
– Emotional dimension; sense of bondedness and connection.
2. Passion
– Motivational dimension; physical attraction; sexual desire/attraction.
3. Commitment
– Cognitive dimension; conscious decision to maintain a relationship overtime.
What are the key findings from the ACEs study?
There’s a dose-response relationship
between ACEs and health outcomes
(the higher your ACE score, the worse your health outcomes).
This is due to the stress-inflammation response occurring in our bodies.
What are the implications of assuming love is an art?
1. Intentional Practice and Skill Development
2. Recognition of Individual and Cultural Variations
3. Accountability and Responsibility
4. Continuous Growth and Adaptation
5. Emphasis on Creativity and Innovation
According to Stephen Mitchell, what are the barriers to reconciling the tension between love and desire?
Perceived stability and safety in long-term relationships are themselves illusions.
By pretending that our relationships are stable and secure, we protect ourselves from the vulnerability and unpredictability associated with sexual arousal and emotional intimacy, which can lead to a disconnect between the excitement of desire and the stability of commitment.
As a result, individuals may seek to experience sexual arousal and novelty outside their primary relationship as a way to cope with or avoid this vulnerability.
What did John Bowlby focus on as he developed Attachment Theory?
His work focused on understanding how patterns of family dynamics contribute to both healthy and pathological child development.
He believed that unresolved attachment issues in parents could lead to similar problems in their children, creating a cycle of insecure attachment that could adversely affect family dynamics over time.
According to Octavio Paz, what does he say is the difference between eroticism and sexuality?
-Sexuality: A primal, instinctual drive rooted in reproduction
-Eroticism: Elevates this drive through imagination (fantasy), desire, and the pursuit of beauty
What did Dr. Barry Schwartz discuss in his book "Paradox of Choice?"
Explores how having too many options can lead to anxiety and dissatisfaction rather than fulfillment.
Maximizers are individuals who strive to make the best possible choice by exhaustively seeking out all options and evaluating them against a high standard. While this approach can lead to optimal decisions, it often results in greater stress, regret, and lower overall satisfaction.
Satisficers, are those who look for a solution that meets their acceptable criteria rather than the absolute best. They are more likely to be content with their decisions, as they prioritize efficiency and peace of mind over exhaustive searching.
What does Fromm say needs to happen in order to be able to love another and how does this relate to Freud?
Fromm argues it is necessary to overcome one's narcissism. This relates to Freuds theory of primary narcissism and shifting towards object-love.
What does Stephen Mitchell suggest can be done to reconcile the tension between Love and Desire?
Finding the balance between Safety/Security and Adventure/Excitement, through open communication, quality time, incorporating creativity in the relationship, and being flexible and adaptive to the changes in the relationship.
What did Mary Ainsworth accomplish through her Strange Situation research?
She identified four primary attachment styles in children based on her research.
These styles reflect how children interact with their caregivers and how they respond to separation and reunion.
What is Esther Perel's perspective on sexuality?
-The erotic is not confined to physical acts but is instead a life force that brings energy, meaning, and renewal into our lives.
-It offers a sense of aliveness, which she believes is essential for personal growth and fulfillment.
What are the implications and consequences of technology and dating?
- Access, Convenience, Facilitate LDR, Queer dating
Cons:
- Surface level connections, curated identities, trust issues, reinforces fear of vulnerability, choice overload, rejection
What is needed to overcome one's narcissism?
1. Reason (faculty to think objectively)
2. Humility (emotional attitude behind reason)
3. Objectivity (faculty to see people and things as they are)
4. Rational Faith (belief rooted in experience of thought and feeling)
5. Courage (ability to take a risk)
According to Esther Perel, what is Erotic Intelligence?
The ability to navigate and cultivate desire, intimacy, and connection within relationships, particularly over the long term.
It involves bringing curiosity, creativity, and an openness to mystery into one's relationship with oneself and with a partner.
Maintaining closeness and trust while also embracing novelty, playfulness, and the unknown. Need to change in order to stay alive.
What did Donald Winnicott indicate by the "good enough mother" and what is the value gradually decreasing responsiveness to the child?
"good enough mother," which describes a mother (or primary caregiver) who provides the basic needs and emotional care required for healthy child development. This mother does not need to be perfect but must offer consistent, ordinary loving care.
The mother starts by being highly responsive to the baby’s needs but gradually allows the child to experience small frustrations, which are crucial for the child’s development of autonomy.
What are the implications (pros and cons) for an increased drive for rewards in adolescents?
Pros:
- Learning and motivation
- Exploration and identity formation
- Influence of peer pressure (pro and con)
Cons:
- Risk-taking behavior
- Increased vulnerability to addiction
- Emotional intensity
- Mental health risks
- Shapes hyperrationality
What is viewed as the source of healing for physical and emotional ailments? And what is the most powerful determinant of an individual's health?
Love and intimacy featured within quality social support connections.
Social capital, particularly through strong connections to family, friends, and community, has been shown to be one of the most powerful determinants of an individual’s health. First notably demonstrated in the Roseto study.